Honestly?
You want to know what's the hardest part about this whole issue right now?
It's about how you guys look at me now. You guys, as in people I give a shit about. I won't give even care like some motherfucking loser that stalks my life think about how I am la ok it's like YOU ARE MY FRIEND WHY DO YOU FUCKING THINK OF ME THAT WAY?
JUST BECAUSE EVERYONE THOUGHT THAT S AND I WOULD HAVE BEEN FOREVER TOGETHER AND LIKE FUCK THAT IDEA ALREADY OK I'M FUCKING SICK OF HOW I EVEN HAD TO PUT UP A HAPPY FRONT TO SAVE MYSELF DRAMA WHILE I WAS STILL WITH HIM SO I COULD CONTINUE TO STICK TO MY SICK IDEA THAT I KNEW WOULDN'T WORK OUT ANYWAY.
WHY AM I EVEN BOTHERING FOR AN EXPLANATION ANYWAY?!
FUCK.
I hardly even question myself about how I feel. I know you care, you care if I'm taking the wrong step because yes you care for me but who's gonna be all that 99% sure that things would work out the moment you start out?
It's about how skeptical everyone is about how I feel. All those, 'this is only a rebound', 'it's a replacement', 'it's a fling', 'you're just using him to spite your ex'... Do you honestly see me that way? Do you think it's fair of you to think of the latter that way? Why does everyone only think about how S feel and not how the current feels mistreated because of my still-very-complicated-and-(in everyone's opinion)-unstable situation?
It's probably my fault on my part that I had too much pride in the way to show how distant I already was in that long term relationship. I was already over it, when I was still in it. Why isn't anyone happy for me that I am happier?
If no one harped on my past, all these wouldn't even be neccessary. I am aware it takes some time for the idea to sink in. Obviously I want the best for myself, and I am obviously doing this for what I deem as best, because you don't understand how much more I want myself to be happy than you want me to.
Idk how you may feel at the end of this post but to conclude it all I am happy that you are concerned for me, and that you want the best for me and I love you for that. If you think this is a mistake then let me be and realise it is indeed a mistake when it goes the wrong way and just let me get crushed then I'll learn the hard way.
But what most of you are doing now suffocates me.
I'm just so tired of explanations.
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