XXIV XI IX

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Comprehending everything that's happening lately is pretty impossible. Ever since I dreamt of my grandfather I've been looking at things differently without the exact intention to make things different for me.

No longer wanting to go out, I want to go home more than anything when I can. Just want to lie in bed, surf the net endlessly, appear offline on MSN as usual. I start to realise I've shifted and reshuffled my priorities unknowingly. Doing things that makes myself feel good, feigning ignorance when I know it's not right anyway, rather than to have the usual pressure in being the best person/friend/girlfriend/daughter everyone wants me to be.

Unexplainable.

It's the kind of sorrow you feel deep down within you, so deep it can't reach your skin and you can't feel your tears with the fingers. You can't see it from the outside, you don't want to show it. The kind of sorrow you know stays with you, it's not disposable nor would it get better. It has already gotten better from when it rooted in me. It's already the best I can feel. It's permanent and buried. Deep.

Apart from not seeing Sheldon 15 days straight when I went to Europe last year, now's probably 2nd on the list - 5 days. Timetables can never clash worse than this, his work, my driving lessons yadayada.................. I miss him a lot. I think we're glue.

Is it me or is everyone going through a rough patch lately?

2 Comments:

Unknown said...: hey bee, hope you're doing better. wanna come over on sunday for a girl's day in? shorty and liwen should be coming over 'swell.

let me know kay (:
love you bestie. xxxx; Thursday, October 29, 2009 at 9:09:00 PM GMT+8
Anonymous said...: geez not u too shahirah with the shorty thing! see abby what have u done. Oh btw i hope u feel better k. if i do come on sunday, i promise to cheer up by telling you my height k :)!

XOXO
ANIA; Friday, October 30, 2009 at 1:46:00 AM GMT+8