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Thursday, January 21, 2010

Read through my livejournal archive. Revived thoughts I had buried deep down under, images I'd long forgotten.

There's this mixed emotion in me on how much things have changed for me. I won't say it's a bad feeling to feel, but then again not something good at the same time. No, I don't make sense.. do I? Maybe I should have appreciated my innocence much more back then, then I wouldn't be so messed up now in so many twisted ways.

Was almost tempted to click the 'delete' button to delete the entire journal but it occured to me that this wasn't just any site, it was two years worth of my life writings and everything that happened and how I felt and how genuine I was to myself in every entry I posted because I had so much privacy in viewership. Suddenly in comparison, my blogspot looks empty meaningless and bimbotic because every other time I pick my words carefully, choose a front I want to put up, build this wall to hold my perfect world together, and then filter away what I hope I would forget years down the road because they weren't what I'd want to happen in the first place.

I'm just always the person that sees things from the point of view I tell myself to see, I don't realise the good I've learnt out of a mistake. It's like I've been lying to myself about how I'm doing for too long a time it makes everything else numb.

Now, I feel like deleting this place instead.

6 Comments:

Alison said...: I thought now Blogger has a locked posts function.

Haha. Well if you really moved back to LJ and friends-only-ed it I guess that means this is the last I'll ever read about your life ;O.

Cheer up anyway. =]; Thursday, January 21, 2010 at 10:41:00 AM GMT+8
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