Vodkalisque

Dreaming of a whiiiiite christmas

2010-12-25T04:25:00.006+08:00

I had one of the simplest and best christmas ever this year.

Derek and I baked cookies - pre-mixed Better Cooper's cookies cos... We couldn't cope with the hurt to know we'll probably fail if we did the traditional start-from-scratch recipe. HAHAHAHHA.

We took 5 fucking hours for 200 over cookies. Gonna wrap it up and give the girls tomorrow; Terrence Vincent and all ate half the share under his void deck just now... Freaking monsters.

I count down to Christmas playing 'Dreaming of a white xmas' on youtube under his void deck while the rest were debating on whether to Mahjong Poker L4D etc etc and when it was like 0:00 on the iPhone I exclaimed to all of them 'MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!' and no one gave a shit about me.

...Hurt or what?

Headed to Barrage after that with the rest, and then back to ole' Kalland Macs. It was really simple, but it made me feel so safe and warm.

Or at least it looks this way. Maybe I'm still in denial..... Things still might not be ok but then again maybe it's always gonna be okay.

I hope things will get better for the both of us.

Should start taking notes of my life down again. Been missing out too much on not putting details of my life down in words. I blame this on Twitter I've been the spam bitch on everyone's timeline every since this social network that restricts your thoughts to 140 characters sucked the life out of me, that I had none for Blogger no more.

Leaving for BKK in the wee hours of 26th morning, Jiaxin and I are going to have a blast!!!!!

MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMASS!!!!

(kisses bye bye bye bye bye)

(notice it's the first time I blogged here even though I was feeling perfectly ok?? I loved today and I wished everyday would be like this)

Your mouth's too stiff

2010-11-05T14:59:00.002+08:00

Just apologise when you're wrong.

What so fucking difficult about that?

Can't take not being important anymore.

That will be, and always stay, broken

2010-11-01T23:53:00.002+08:00

Looks like I'm always here when I'm upset.

I can't tell you anything anymore without making you feel tired of me. You're already between my fingers before I start losing grip of everything, of us, of what we had, and of you.

I can't tell you that I can never completely get over what I felt yesterday, I can't tell you into your face that no one has ever made me feel so unwanted in my life before... So replaceable, so insignificant. It's always going to be a scar, and when it heals and leave a mark, I'm always going to remember every single bit of what I went through to get used to this pain.

I can't tell you everything about how I know the more I act this way, the more I'll be pushing both of us apart. That was why you even spoke to her in the first place - because you finally thought it through that after all this time, she's the one that understood you and I never did from the start.

I can't tell you that you were what I chose to have from the start. You were the choice that I fought through hell for to have what we have today. I threw away the idea of stability because I knew what I felt for you was a gamble I had to take to feel happier and alive. And maybe all these while, you were too afraid to tell me, or even yourself, that I was only what you settled for.

I can't cry anymore, I'm out of tears. Every other time I do cry, all I do is undo the stitches I sew on myself in the day and open them up to remember how it feels like to really be hurt by someone you gave up everything for. In day I close them, in night they pry themselves wide open.

I can't bear to show my insecurity, my weaknesses.... Truth is, I'm not the strongest girl you've ever known, I only pretend to be. Because I believed I will be strong as long as I could always continue to pretend to be strong.

I know I said to live it up to me to make things right, but I realised I can never feel the same way about you anymore. Because I broke, and there will always be this gut in me to hold back for what's installed for us. I broke my own faith in us, I broke my faith in thinking we were strong enough to go through everything together.

I can't tell you to do anything about this, because you would have no idea how it feels to think you're sharing. I can't tell you any of these because I'll look like that typical fucked and screwed up girlfriend that doesn't allow her boyfriend to walk near any girl within the 3metre radius.

And what's the point of holding you back from doing what you want to do? You're with me but you won't be mine.

I can't tell you to show me that you love me the same, or love me more. I can't tell you to make all these feelings go away, to reassure me because maybe you shouldn't. I can't tell you that I feel like you can never totally be mine again.

I can't tell you anything because I never felt more pathetic in my life to be so scared of losing you when you finally realise you can't handle me anymore.

And when tomorrow comes, I can't tell you that from tonight onwards, I'll be breaking just a little slowly, bit by bit.

I can never ever fucking have the guts to tell you anything, anymore.

Back

2010-10-22T03:40:00.003+08:00

I'll hate to say that I've abandoned this space, because there was never a long phase of my life that I've stopped blogging. I always end up taking notes, details, and minutes of my life some way or another in a written form.

And this is just another night of my end teenage life crisis, that I've decided to hit the Blogger page. School is starting soon, my bucket list of the holidays are far from checked. And I wished I had more time for everything.

I don't ever want this summer love to end.

http://vodkalisque.tumblr.com
You'll probably see me there more often.

7th

2010-06-24T23:48:00.003+08:00

I'm blogging not out of guilt, nope I'm not guilty that I haven't been updating this space in the longest time when it's probably one of the most eventful phase of life (like going to the zoo sometime ago with Derek HAHHAHA this is one simple eg) - because today I feel like the luckiest girl in the entire world.

I realised that apart from the very bad complexion that I've gotten with the dust in the office air I sit in for 9 hours every other weekday and the amount of weight I've already put on since March, work is like a cucumber up your ass but thank god for the people I met there...... :) I don' think I could ever ask for a better and more complete team.

I think my emotions are triggered because Fabian Ong Kian Hwa is leaving tmr officially, and now the seat beside me would be empty for awhile. Idk if the person that replaces the seat soon could still be gay enough to be my office girlfriend.

On a happier note, Derek and I have officially been together for wtf, 7 months. Ok it isn't that long but it's still significant no??!?! Feels like honeymoon every other day, every time we hold hands I still blush (hehehehee no i'm kidding ok). I'm just so happy that I didn't go through everything for nothing to get to be together. Turns out that the effort is nothing to how we spend every weekday night contented with only 2 hours together for just dinner and talks. You sending me home all the time when you're dead tired yourself, and your patience with me... Don't know if you're seeing this bcos you've complained I haven't updated in the longest time. This is so corny but, I'll probably gonna be loving you for a long time :)

I still think I'm the luckiest girl on upbeat days like these, plus my mum just gave me a portable massage chair yesterday night. No longer would I be a beggar to my very not gentle boyfriend who never fails to hurt my shoulders whenever he attempts to massage.

I'm in love with my own sins

2010-05-24T00:19:00.005+08:00

I would have been watching Alvin and the Chipmunks II(LIKE I'VE WANTED TO SINCE TWO WEEKS AGO!!!) to put my very lazy weekend to a closure right now, but carelessness got the better of me every other time, and it's probably the 3rd time happening already to leave my hard disk plugged into Derek's desktop. Thank god it's not the next weekend that I'll be seeing him to get it. He'll be booking out tmr and baby if you read this just before you come over to fetch me from work...... Remember to bring it bcos I really would die without my daily night virtue of watching either a movie I just downloaded, or one episode of Gossip Girl/Skins/Family Guy.

Alternative for the night:
1. Updating this place with a really pictureless plus full-gear rant post
2. Try again to upload 3 albums worth of pictures to Facebook again after my 57th failed attempt.

Explains a lot on why the 160GB hard disk is so important to me now, doesn't it? My alternative isn't all that better of an alternative.

Anyway, one of the three albums I'm uploading would be pictures of the pups I have up for sale. My dad said to resort to the high-tech way to sell them online, but if any of you are interested do drop me a msg yes? They're two months old Miniature Schuanzers, I have two females and one's Salt and Pepper colour, while the other's white. I'm sure you've seen pictures of Rex and Jay and obviously their puppies gonna be so much cuter right!!!

So, my best friend Shahirah Bte Abdul Azhur Price is halfway across the other side of the globe and probably having the best time of her life in Switzerland alone. Hopefully she remembers to buy Lucky Strike back for us while duty-free shopping, at least it doesn't make me so bitter that I'm still stuck here in SG only halfway through my fucken internship.

The girls and I are planning on heading somewhere near around mid July when Jo's back in town. Can it please happen this time???? We've been talking about this for close to a year..

Can't wait for the month to come to an end, because both my and my boyfriend's account are squeezed dry from... splurging on good food every weekend. And now that he's out on Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday as well, it has became a 5 splurges/week upgrade plan on our wallets.

I didn't even have money to top up petrol today that Derek had to pay for me :(

Current Checklist

2010-05-08T02:30:00.002+08:00

1) Swimming at Shearen's in the noon
2) Toiletries shopping.
3) Pack the room
4) Clear the clothes cos you're running out on hangers
5) If (4) fails, Ikea for more hangers
6) Library for Nicholas Sparks
7) Clear the shoe rack
8) Iron Man 2 at night
9) Get the iPhone

Weekends are meant for rest.
But you could do it.

Ebay-lucky

2010-05-07T00:48:00.004+08:00

Since I'm waiting for my nails to dry(well, pretty redundant to right now since they'll probably all be chipped by the time I'd finished typing this sentence), I have to tell you about my best Ebay buy ever.

Things just couldn't get more perfect when the bid was scheduled to end on a Sunday noon and I bidded over lunch with Derek at my place. Even though the final bid was outrageous.. It's ok I save $200USD as compared to retail price. No one could beat that HELLO??!?

Ok what the fuck now I'm blogging like I'm all that shit. But I can't contain my excitement and also waiting for my adaptor to reach me so I could attach all the lens on my Canon.

Lucky I didn't listen to Derek about giving up on the bid when it got so out of hand as compared to the start bid price, or it would have been the 2nd biggest regret of my life if I didn't get it.

1st regret would be to have listen to my boyfriend about not bidding, that is.

AND IT'S NOT EVEN THE EDITION ABOVE, it's the Blackjack limited edition so limited I couldn't find a stock picture of it online.

Right, I really need more tips on how to use Diana. Got to consult Wj, or does any of my friends out there have a Diana and I don't know you do???

Ok nails officially chipped already. Bye!

Slip

2010-05-06T23:55:00.004+08:00

It felt little harder to pull through this week, even though I was on MC for two consecutive days. No kidding kind of MC - I was at the polyclinic on Tuesday and they referred me to the hospital the following day for a scan. I think my manager think I geng ga liao cos I came back to work after my MC with a spanking new haircut on Thurs.

Hence, she marked me down on my attendance and punctuality. Blame it on the fact that I failed to send a msg on Tues morning to inform her that I wouldn't be coming to work.

PHAIL UTTM. (ultimately to the max)

So yeah, I'm on medication and I have another appointment next Wednesday for my scanning results. When I took my weight I realised I gained 3kg hitting my highest weight record everrrrr and I was depressed for 7 minutes. And another 3 minutes later on when my mum rubbed salt into my wound by saying, 'wah you lighter than me only by 6 kg.' Sometimes I really don't know why she's my mum.

So I had some 'me' time for the two days, and yeah it was mthrfckin good I tell you. I think I went back to work with more radiance today teeheehee.

Decided that I shouldn't continue to blog like I'm 'all that shit' (looks at price) bcos my facebook is already the shit. Like LAZZZZZZZZYY :(

Saturday's in 24 hours, and I can't wait to see you :)

I looked at myself in the mirror today and I felt old

2010-04-30T02:16:00.002+08:00

I realised I'm worn out with following the template I've set my life out for the past 19 years. Commandments that I silently ruled myself out with, and the line to where I could assume on a clear-cut basis to whether something has crossed out of the line of suitability.

I wouldn't be so worn out with I didn't have rules to obey.

It's an unearthly timing of 2.19am and I have work at 845 tomorrow. One fine day when I look back on my blog years down the road, I'm gonna be regretting on being lazy to document my life explicitly during this phase.

Knowing that I have about 4 drafts in my Blogger account of half-typed entries and giving up mid-way whenever my eyelids get heavier, it's the best sign to show that I might not even get pass this entry for the 5th attempt with me clicking on the Publish Post button if I'm ever done with it.

Anyway. I'll still continue to type.

(with my Aldo shades - he's not that gay not a day-to-day basis sorry to disappoint)

I can finally declare myself dating a guy of the same age digit as me cos Derek finally turned 19 two Tuesdays ago. Well, the cycle will repeat itself again with the 4 months lag time between both our birthdays in Jan and April then I'll start being paiseh about dating a guy 4 months younger than me again.

We didn't celebrate, well at least treating a dinner and getting him a very nice gift wasn't considered celebration for me, but it was for him. In any way I think I was more excited on his birthday than he was for himself, wtf?

This month's been good. Hit my commission with just a tad bit of extra effort, but I hate it when I'm just so close to the second tier and I felt like I'd worked extra hard for nothing if it's gonna be the same scenerio all over again like how it was last month - being short of just one motherfucking submission to reach the next tier.

That, must not happen this month again.

It's payday tomorrow, and I've already made a more than sufficient list on what I'll be utilising the money with. (I forbid myself to say 'spend it with'). Since I'd made the best steal with an Olympus old school film cam, I've decided to splurge on Diana lenses for my DSLR.

As much as I hate to say it, I still wouldn't want to admit that this place is substantially dead. But I'm definitely not, very much alive on both Twitter and Fb. Shame on Twitter for making me abandon my blog when blogging becomes bite-sized over on the other side.

There's a whole lot of pictures stuck in my sloth to hardworking transit waiting to be posted. Last post was TGIF. This post will end with
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TBGIFF (Thank Bloody God It's Fucking Friday!)

And Zoe-ann/Weiru/Friend that has been in the same school as me since primary school,

Happy 19th dearest :)

TGIF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-04-17T03:26:00.003+08:00

But Friday's just over 3 hours ago, which means to say Saturday has started 3 hours ago, which means to say it's less than 2 days till the weekend ends........ Which also means to say that Monday will come soon again :(

I sumpaaaa

2010-04-12T01:14:00.003+08:00

that I wanted to blog tonight after getting home from sending Derek to Sembawang camp.

But on my way back on TPE to the east, I was suppose to end up at Tampines but I ended up at Buangkok(WHERE THE FUCK IS THIS PLACE??), and then Hougang, saw Sengkang somewhere along my lost journey, and ended up at Pasir Ris. By then, I was already running on an empty tank I panicked and I called Derek and I switched off the radio and aircon and was finally saved when I saw a SPC petrol kiosk along Pasir Ris Dr 4.

Lost journey took me an hour to get home. I hyperventiliated cos I was so scared I had to push the car if I couldn't get a petrol kiosk in time.

WHY AM I SO SUAY LATELY???

Sat on staircase steps during my lunchbreak sometime ago and ended up having a spit stuck on my skirt. This auntie from work thought I had a quickie in between lunch because the spit looked totally like sperm.

So suay that the female dog that was brought over to mate with Rex was called Abigail. She had curly hair and my mum could even tell me that both of us(the dog and I) had so much in common. I could tell my parents had a lot of difficulties calling the dog by name when it's been the same name they've been calling out for their only daughter for the past 19 years.

Sigh.
What to say.

Money's been running away like a marathon, I'm worried I won't be able to scrap through the month.

And Derek no more 8 to 5 again, they didn't believe he was mentally unstable.

3 alarm clocks to wake me up in the morning

2010-03-27T02:02:00.003+08:00

6.45am and Derek would call from camp(sneaking to the toilet just to do so ._.) just so it'll be the first voice I hear when I wake up in the morning. And when the clock strikes 6.55, my handphone alarm would go off on a 5mins interval snooze. And the third one comes from the traditional 'won't stop ringing until you switch it off' kind of alarm clock that I placed just next to my bathroom so I'll be sure I'm up to walk that distance across my room to switch it off.

Now, it's down to two.
COS DEREK IS GOING FOR 8-5 FOR NS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No not complaining, not complaining even though he wakess up later than me and bang4 gang1 earlier than me. FUCKING 5PM. Ever since wed he's been distracting me from work by flooding me with smses, damn annoying.

So every night feels like a book-out friday night now!!
And hopefully the interview gets through and I don't need to suffer any more hardship from now onwards.

Anyway, we fish spa-ed all the way at AMK last Sat night with Jacky and Kaihui. I tok the wheel behind Jack's bike cos my loser boyfriend was still sleepy after down-ing a can of red bull.

Happened to snap this coincidentally that Sat noon and pardon my horrible painted nails and of cos my ugly bulbous little toe. Pretty confident I could clinch the ugliest toes award anytime. But quite cute la hor cute and stubby. The fishes got all the dead skin off the sides of my toes, best thing to happen ever considering how often I've been wearing heels because of work. So often that sometimes flat pumps feel so comfy they're like Havaianas to me already.

AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT HAVEN'T TRIED THIS COOL SHIT?

Medusa legs all those fishes tickle you like no fcking tomorrow, I took awhile to get used to the feeling of it. How jialat I am I can't be worse than Kh that took 25 mins to get her feet into the water when our session was only for 30mins HHAAHHAH!!

I wanted to continue this post with pics of Yanjia and Liting when we town-ed. But I'm tired. Qing ming tmr at 630, and it's 2.45am right now.

People just can't get my name right

2010-03-24T00:55:00.004+08:00

I know it's my parents' fault to be so butt itchy, having to spell my name in such an abnormal way. Abygail, instead of Abigail. BUT I MEAN IT'S OUTRIGHT OBVIOUS IT'S PRONOUNCED THE SAME WAY... NO?

I get people asking me if I act cute when I purposely spell it with a Y instead of an I. No seriously................ HOW WOULD THAT MAKE ME CUTE IN ANY WAY?

So it's been only the second week into working at RBS and the colleagues have already started to make fun of my name. Heibi, Ebi, A-pui-gail(ah-pui girl). Last one with courtesy of Tania sharing it with them. I mean no I'm cool with it cos really I don't mind. At least they get my name 80% correct.

Then yesterday, while I was out with Yj and Ting at Ion for dinner. This telemarketer from Fitness First called me up and told me that I won a free VIP pass to their gym in a lucky draw. Being a telemarketer myself at the moment I knew it was inhuman of me if I didn't spare him any sympathy and so I entertained him for awhile and later gently rejecting him for the VIP pass simply because I was really lazy to walk down to Paragon to collect it. I was already being fucking nice when I was almost at peak being irritated with his pretty obvious pinoy accent even though you could tell he was trying really hard to disguise it, and I knew he had problems pronouncing my name when he started his opening line 'Hi is this miss ____' much softer as compared to the rest of his convo.

It's ok, really.
It wasn't until he msged me 2 hours later when I didn't turn up to collect it...

'Hi Alaygain, what time would you be coming down to collect the pass? Fitness first - Justin.'

I was then convinced he was a damn loser pinoy that probably failed English starting from the age of 10 and had a hamster brain that he misspelt my name to such an extent and had no other job he could qualify for, he had no choice but to resort to building muscles just because it seemed decent enough to his family friends relatives back in his loser home village to have a job in a gym that's in Orchard.

I was so WTF I couldn't process so I showed Yj the msg and told her to reply for me I couldn't bear to look at how my name was spelt.

And she replied
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'Sorry I think my body's too perfect. I don't think I'll need it already.'

MEGA LOL HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHA
Even if I would want the card I wouldn't even dare to step into Fitness First Paragon anymore HAHHAHA even when typing this I'm still laughing. I quote it word for word. That bitch Yj just threw my face into the Pacific Ocean, the sea's so big it's impossible to get it back.

Then he could still reply, 'Haha. Okay. Good for you.'

No wonder they say got muscles no brains.

Derek may be booking out tmr, so he says. Better not false hope me.

It doesn't stop in the moment

2010-03-22T01:11:00.004+08:00

Every other Sunday evening I find myself taking heavy steps slowly to the bus stop for a long bus ride back home, with long steady breaths and a sinking heart. It's the same bullshit every Sunday when I know it's another 5 weekdays to get through the motion before I get to see you again.

I could start missing you already even when I'm on the bus home, and I would read and re-read the short letters we would write to each other throughout the week we're apart, exchanging them when you're booked out. Felt stupid and dumb when you suggested it the first time round, but I did it anyway... And it became a sort of escapism whenever I needed you and knew you could never be there. It didn't feel like an obligation to write everyday, it was in fact, comfort to me when I could feel you in my days and vice versa for you as well.

I do my best to keep us together, doing everything possible within my reach and I know you are too. No, I'll never leave you in the lurch, no matter how numb or tired I may already feel holding us together.. Because I would only be lesser than what I am without you.

I know how you want this to both be our very last. Your actions speak so much more than the words standing by itself, the things you do and how much you've sacrificed in comparison to how much I've done. No one has ever made me feel as special as how you put me to be, and you do it without even trying.

Quitting is one thing that we've always argued about. I never thought I would hear those words rolling off your tongue ever. But today, you told me you're going to be quitting for me. You're quitting, when nicotine means so much to you that you were charged sneaking 2 extra ciggs for your smoke break while camping outfield. You're quitting, even when you knew I'd come to terms to accept that nicotine would never be out of your dictionary for life.

You know, it doesn't even matter if you failed quitting. The point is the real reason behind your decision made. It shows how much I mean to you.

And you have no fucking idea how much this means to me.

2010-03-20T16:41:00.004+08:00

Some random night more than two weeks ago, when we were both sad little birds, far away from the boyfriends(mine in camp, hers halfway across the globe) so we decided to get economical orange juice from 7/11 while she had Absolut very well disguised in a Ice Mountain mineral water bottle and did our own drinks at some random playground near Siglap.... oh those nostalgic best friend nights out.

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I know I don't take As but with everyone around me that were all kanchiong spiders going crazy one day before results were out...... I ACTUALLY FELT STRESSED AS WELL? HAHA LIKE WTF RIGHT.

Took the car and headed to Changi V the night before results were out to look at bapoks and have pratas.

Every army guy's fav place. Ok derek went Tekong for outfield cannotch make fun.

I know right I was a bareface. And that beanie isn't mine, it's Miko's disguise for his pubic-like hair to stay tame. Not really working as we can see.

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It was Play, two days after papers ended. I know that was a bloody long time ago.... like three weeks back hahaha.

Cheryl just lose like pig like that

Tsk sometimes I think my mum should see how Jackee drives then she'll never think I'm not ready to drive anymore.

Family portrait, feeling it?!

Pei(ugly face)shi

AND THEN JACKEE TRIED TO IMITATE HAHAHHAAHHAHA

Wtf there was a police raid at 2plus in the end after Pei and Jackee left earlier, so Kit Cheryl Hua and I just walked over to Maxwell Centre to eat and chill and talk... Why do we always end up doing this after clubbing at Play??!

Half a bottle of vodka left there.... Chances of going back on Thursday lesbian nights are pretty slim with internship going on right now.

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Derek and I attica-ed last week with the Price siblings and others.

See Derek's disapproving look with me and alcohol, hahahhaa that was why we left much earlier when I was ultra high by 2am. Told me we're going to the toilet so I followed. Before I know it he pulled me out of the club and we sat by the bridge awhile before I kept complaining I feel like I'm gonna fall off the bridge anytime did he decide that I'm too high. Started biting him all over when we were in the cab and only apologised the next morning when I woke up next to him feeling sane. Disclaimer... I wasn't drunk I was just, really high. And when I'm high I have to bite.

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Did some room keeping over the week when I was dead free (as compared to now).

Re-organised my accessories corner.

Packed up clothes I didn't know why I bought in the first place into bags, and dumped it to the guest room so my room would look neater. And I would look like I have lesser clothes so I wouldn't think so much buying more.

Ok everyone knows I'm living in denial to say I have no clothes when this is only 1/4 of the amount of clothes I actually own. NEED TO SELL THEM BAD BUT NO FUCKING TIME!!!

Bought this for therapeutic nights. Not that it's bright enough to lit up the entire room, but it suffice well enough. And no I didn't get ripped off from those sprees with a 100% profit margin.. Bought it from a direct source at an unbelievable price heh heh I feel so shopping-clever.

I still have more pictures from the 500d but I'm lazy to load it up shall save it for another time this entry is enough of picture vomit AND I AM SO SAD I WANT TO ABANDON MY CANON 500D for the 550D!!!! (looks at imee and pout)

Oh and..

2010-03-17T01:32:00.004+08:00

Other random things that's been going on amidst all this stupid work shit.

1) Jayjay gave birth to 6 on March 7!!! Kinda failed to mention this in my previous post I didn't know why..

Pro:

Apparently she decided that giving birth at 3am in the morning was the best timing ever that all of us were fast asleep we weren't with her when she was delivering.

Con:

A bridge died when it suffocated inside of her while its legs were out first, since we weren't present to pull it out in time it couldn't breathe. Few days later another died as well because it couldn't open up its mouth to feed on her milk.

Pls don't say I'm a lousy owner...... I did my best and I'm sad ok.

2) Pa just bought Mumsy a Volvo station wagon and when he went, 'And we're not selling the Saab' I WAS SO FUCKING OVER THE DAMN MOON. Will probably be driving the Saab as my own next weeeeek!

Pro:

WELL DUH THERE'S SO MANY GOOD PARTS TO THIS NO?

Con:
If I buang, $5k insurance flat I'll have to bear. On top of that, a full tank costs 1-mthr-2-fcking-0 bucks. You tell me how?

3) I bought Derek new shoes HAHHAHHHAHA

Pro:

You have no idea how much he hates shopping so persuading him to Town is like wanting his damn life but yes it's fixed his Adidas Vespa shoes are so chio and he obviously needed new shoes with his old one full of holes, it took me months to persuade him to get a new pair even though I said I was gonna get it for him.

Con:

You know what they always say when you buy shoes for your boyfriend/girlfriend?!?!?

They will walk away from you :(

It's always good to play safe but ughhh how do I undo this omen shit?

4) I want to pierce.

Pro:

Badly.

Con:

I can't take it even by looking at how it's done over at Youtube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y84B2YIegjY

I know la crazy la but I've been wanting it for quite awhile already, I think if I'll really get it no one will friend me anymore.

Ok that's it my hair is dry.

Gdnight!

Tuesdays are terrific

2010-03-17T01:06:00.006+08:00

Well at least for now, for work schedule currently looks like this.

Monday - 0845 - 1815 @ RBS Commonwealth
Tuesday - 0845 - 1815 @ RBS Commonwealth
Wednesday - 0845 - 1815 @ RBS Commonwealth, 1900-2030 @ Eunos Clinic
Thursday - 0845 - 1815 @ RBS Commonwealth, 1900-2030 @ Eunos Clinic
Friday - 0845 - 1815 @ RBS Commonwealth, 1900-2030 @ Eunos Clinic

Salary/mth: 1K++, or hopefully more if I get commission from selling credit cards.

Contribution back to the house: 20% -> 800$ left.

Transportation fees: $100 -> 700$ left.

Usual allowance I used to get when I was schooling but not getting anymore: $450 -> $250 left.

So. $250 more as compared to my usual income while schooling. $250 more for stuffing myself into very uncomfy work clothes that I couldn't keep up with after a week and decided to try to smoke casual outfits as formal by throwing on heels. $250 more for a very limited social life and a very unhealthy softdrinks + crackers diet(bcos at the office it's freeflow so just spam). $250 more for compromising all those times I could stay by the com and bid for eBay items(!!!). $250 for the rush from West to East between both jobs on Wed to Fri and look like an idiot always running to the clinic from Eunos Station. $250 more for getting the call slammed down on me 73% of the time when I do the telesales.

...........$250 more for so much fuck.

I really want to look on the brighter side of life, but....... to look forward to Saturdays so much rather than Fridays, to not dread Mondays as much as how I dread Wensdays, it's just a total shift in my blues for the days in the week.

I hope I actually make it through these 5 months in a long term goal. And in short term goal, making it through this week without calls or smses while he's outfield.

I never knew it would have made this big of an impact when it was already habitual before I realise it, to stay by my phone at 930 every night because I know he'll call me without fail no matter what.. Even asking me to hold on the phone while he takes a 3mins(yeah, 3mins) shower.

I'm so tired to keep up with so much everyday, I'm only posting this while waiting for my hair to dry so I could put my tired eyes and worn out complexion to some good rest.

Will upload tons of pictures during the weekend if I'm not lazy..

(those on top are my bu dao kitties btw........ so cute right.)

Slave to time

2010-03-09T23:59:00.003+08:00

Sorry but I'm too busy to blog life is so fucking tiring I know I'm just here to whine because there's no one else to whine to besides Derek whose in camp and busy and.... overthinking. .__________.

Holidays were great and sorry this is gonna be wordy bcos Fb sucks and doesn't allow me to upload picture albums and that is why I have over 300+ pictures to be uploaded ever since 2 weeks ago. They say album upload success rate is higher in the afternoon but WTF HOW ABOUT I'LL NEVER BE HOME IN THE AFTERNOONS FOR 5 OUT OF 7 DAYS IN A WEEEEEEEEK?

Internship is literally like working full time, wearing suffocating work clothes that adds up to your piss level, having to watch your words and language everytime you talk to superiors, trying to decipher their agenda by attempting to read their twisted minds behind anything you do........... It's stress to a whole new level even when we haven't really started on anything yet.

First day the boss treated us to lunch with a 2hr lunch break, let us off at 4pm when we were suppose to knock off at 6.15. Spent the entire day bumming around at the pantry and reading mindless notes.

Today was slightly more productive but stupid in a way as well.

So grumpy wtf.
Going downstairs to find a waterbottle/cup to put on my office table tmr ugh.

Follow me on Twitter la hor, I still tweet on a daily basis.

Naked truth over the best-dressed lies

2010-02-26T05:10:00.003+08:00

EVERYDAY IS LEPAK TTM I AM A HAPPY GIRL, ONLY THAT I NEED TO SHED THE 4 KG I GAINED FROM EXCESSIVE EATING DURING EXAM PERIOD. 2KG DOWN............ ANOTHER 2 TO GO. BESIDES THIS, YES LIFE IS GOOD. NO NOT REALLY. FEEL LIKE A LOSER THAT THE AFTER-PAPERS MOOD ISN'T ALL THAT THERE WHEN YOU KNOW YOUR BOYFEE IS SUFFERING IN OUTFIELD WITH A DUMBASS RIFLE. SO YES, BESIDES THESE TWO THINGS LIFE IS GOOD.

(my papers sucked though...... but fuck it exams are over we can worry about results later!!!)

con·cep·tu·al·ize

2010-02-19T03:46:00.005+08:00

Piling on the makeup lately because of the bad complexion. And then I failed to realise it's actually a greater long term horrendous effect when the chemical eats my skin up gently. Gently.

And nope, CNY wasn't re nao. It was quiet as hell but not that I'm complaining I actually prefer it quiet. I didn't even buy any new year clothes and this velour dress was what I ripped off from Mango when they had a 70% off sale awhile back.. I know la hei lu lu la I kena scolded by cab driver when I was on my way to Derek's granny's for wearing such a heilulu colour on chu yi. Wtf not like you're my father still scold me!!!

Well. Surprisingly, I never got less than $10 in an angbao this time round. Amazing much? I used to always get $6, or sometimes $4. Angbao count this year was unexpectedly better than anticipated, even when we didn't do visiting since we're still in the mourning period. And my dad bao-ed me the biggest angbao he ever did since I was young. Idk what's his hidden agenda behind the huge amount but, I guess I'm not spending it.

At night...

Valentines' night at Barrage with like 435443 other couples all littered over the same area.
Should have known better.......

I look gross here but... Min Er freaking cute here (as usual).
I'm trying to smile like her but like a bit fail.

Pictures from everywhere: random days just nua-ing at home watching the telly, movie at Downtown two weeks ago, shades at my balcony while smoking like wtf, looking through his childhood photos, Min Er playing around with the SLR. (last few shots taken by her, not bad ah!!!)

She actually snapped a lot pictures of us with the SLR of which that picture above was the best without a shutter. I was worried she'll drop it since it's so heavy for someone so puny like her.

Paper starts in 10 hours, I'm only halfway through revision.
Sigh, this always happen I feel like I forgot how to study.

Wallet

2010-02-16T21:19:00.003+08:00

Someone once told me... "Wallets are a lot like loving someone. You really have to take good care of it, because if you won't, something might just happen."

I know what he meant. I just lost a wallet... it's the exact same thing.

That very day, realization hits you that you really lost it. You tried looking for it everywhere, even tracing back on the places you’ve gone where you might have dropped it. The thought manifests your mind so much, only to come upon a grim realization after while: it's really gone.

But of course, you could still pin hopes on getting the wallet back. After all, it’s a one in a million chance for you to be that lucky one that gets your wallet back to where it belongs.

Perhaps you could become one of those that sit by the telephone day and night, hoping that someone would call and you would get it back. But as the days pass, that glimpse of hope in getting it back fades as well. You then remind yourself again that yes, you really lost it.

The first few days, it’s your friends you turn to for support. There are some that tell you you'll be fine, some that tell you that you deserved it with your carelessness and it was your own fault, while some would share their own stories about losing theirs. They give you all sorts of advice, none you haven't heard before, and none that made you feel any better unless you knew it’s time to let go.

You start your search in finding a new wallet, only to realize that no; you don’t want a new one. You want the old one that you lost. No, you don't want all those better-looking ones or those with Prada or Gucci labelled all over it - you want the one that you lost, only because of how comfortable it was, because of all the cards and pictures and all the other sentimental items you had in it.

You decide to go without a wallet when you’re out, keeping the loose notes in your pocket instead. You throw away stuff that you would of have held on to if you had your old wallet to put it into. Time passes as you made do without a wallet, while you wait for the perfect one you really liked to appear before your eyes.

And when it finally does, you see yourself starting to fill the new wallet, little by little. Sure, doesn’t the old one feel so much more comfortable? But it's getting there - you start putting in cards and pictures and other important stuff into it. Before you know it, this new wallet suddenly holds as much as what the old one held. You bring it wherever you go; you take it out when you need it. Suddenly you find yourself holding this new wallet dear to you, suddenly you feel like it really belongs to you.

And through this all, you suddenly realized that you've almost forgotten you ever had your old wallet, that old wallet you lost. Well yes, you still do remember what you lost along with it... All those little things that you had in it. But then again, the feeling of hurt that you felt when you lost it no longer lingers in you anymore.

That's because that wallet you lost is no longer your wallet. You're no longer holding on. This new wallet you're holding, this wallet has everything you now need, everything that you would want to bring along with you wherever you go.

This is your wallet.

And this time, you tell yourself, you're never losing this one.

'V' day Crisis

2010-02-11T18:05:00.006+08:00

On the usual phone conversation every night.

Girlfriend: Can I tell you something?
Boyfriend: What?
Girlfriend: I'm panicking for Valentine's cos I didn't do anything.
Boyfriend: Actually I'm panicking too.
Girlfriend: Huh you mean you don't know what to do on the day itself yet!
Boyfriend: Actually I do. We're gonnna... (starts blurting out plan unintentionally when it's suppose to be a surprise)

Haha, so cute.
I love you. :)

I spend more days missing you, than seeing you

2010-02-10T00:19:00.008+08:00

(Nope, I wasn't in the right state of mind)

Pictures from Naiyu's departure for Perth on Sunday morning. Note the shagged faces of Wilberg and I in contrast to all the other very awake faces around. We love Nai so much that finishing his scrapbook meant that we could forsake a night's sleep for it. Hopefully the scrapbook could pass the customs... because we attached a condom in one of the pages in case of emergency while he's there and well uh, we heard the customs do not allow condoms to be passed LOL LOL LOL.

---------------------------------------------

Todya isn't the best day of my life.

This is gonna sound funny but I couldn't study today bcos I was overstressed by the fact that study progress is nil and everyone that I know, know that I eat excessively when I'm stressed. So to conclude, I overate today - snacked like a motherfucker, caffeine overdose as well, and ended up with a headache and a tummy upset while I was at Price's place.

Knnb, wanna study also so hard but Price said I was just making an excuse for myself not to concentrate. K..... Maybe I was but it doesn't matter now cos the day is over and I can't fucking buy back the two days I've wasted not studying.

Apart from this, aircon leaked when I got home. So I'm sleeping over at the guest room today. Well, not really sleeping.. It's more of napping since I'll have to be up at 430am again to fetch my folks and godfolks to the airport. THEY'RE GOING TO HONGKONG FOR A HOLIDAY WITHOUT ME COS I'LL HAVE TO STUDY FOR MY PAPERS.

Then after the aircon's down I heard my mum screaming from downstairs that my phonebill exceeded again for the second month running when she was doing the night routine opening up the mails.

$182.60, my bill was never over 50 to start with since two months ago. Then we both realised that my plan changed since 2010 and fucking M1 didn't have the motherfucking decency to notify us and since the last month's phone explosion I've been forking out from my own allowance to top up on how much I've exceeded and it's no joke when it eats up 3/4 of my monthly allowance.

That made my mum and I two very bitchy women in the study room, arguing about how it isn't right for me to pay the excess when I didn't know that the bill changed already cos she didn't tell me anyway(cos it's under her account) and she argued saying she didn't know either and it was my responsibility to check. And then it was the best time for my dad to charge into the room and heated the argument up even more when he was pissed no one told him my aircon leaked in advance(WHEN WTF IT JUST STARTED LEAKING AN HOUR AGO?!??!) and he couldn't repair the aircon in my room.

We were a very angsty family of three for a good one hour.
And I'm pretty sure I hyperventilated.

I'm probably gonna miss them for the few days that they'll be away but right now in the mood that I am, I wished I had the whole damn house to myself.

On top of it all, Derek actually had MC for both Monday and Tuesday. He should be booked out, but SAF is cruel......... he's not allowed to book out even when he's sick. So. God. Damn. Fucked. Up.

I miss him and it's driving me even more crazy with what's already been going on.

Commonwealth :(

2010-02-07T15:40:00.005+08:00

My mum just called me from home telling me that she accidentally opened up a school letter that was address to me from the mailbox(I'll like to think she's suspecting the usual attendance warning letters) and told me that my internship attachment is at fucking Commonwealth.

DO I HAVE FATE WITH THE WEST SIDE OF SG OR SMTH?!?!

I thought I could take a break with tedious traveling distance from east to west once my internship with Royal Bank of Scotland starts but it seems like I'll probably have to wake up even earlier when working hours are from 8.45 to 6.15 Monday to Friday. :(

So anyhoo school's out till the papers start on 19th this month. Nope, I haven't started on revision at all because blame my lousy life balancing skills I've been filling my social life too full to the brim it tires me out that I actually have a very bad pimple outbreak as of now..

I'm currently at my weekend home. My boyfriend is still asleeep and I'm bored with nothing to do I kept smelling my own blouse just to recall what perfume I used this morning. Not that it's of any significance........ I'm just that bored.

He was the sweetest tart to stay up with Wilberg and I at my place to finish up Naiyu's farewell scrapbook last night from 1.45am - 7.15am and fetched us to the airport then after. Feel fucking guilty now that's why I don't dare to wake him up later he grouchy tiger.

And yes, Nai left for Perth this morning already that idiot cried and I see him cry I also wanna cry but I was so zonked I couldn't absorb that very moment. NOW FEEL SAD LIKE FUCK ONLY CAN'T SEE HIM FOR 3(wait, or is it 5) YEARS?!?! Would really love to upload pictures of his teary eyes now but then again like I've said I scared to wake Derek up...

I know I've been blogging quite frequently these days but if you do miss me on an everyday basis,
http://twitter.com/vodkalisque

FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER OK! :)
I used to think Twitter was the place for people to talk to themselves.

We were made in the dark

2010-02-03T02:31:00.004+08:00

I've decided that there will be no school for me for Wednesday and Thursday because.... the pain of travelling 3 hours back and forth to school for stupid mindless couple of hours lesson isn't worth my time. I seriously lack sleep these days, even Derek's complexion is better than mine(ok it has always been better anyway BUT) and he's in NS and sigh just a tad depressing that your boyfriend's complexion is flawless while your own skin is gross and oily that now you need 3 Daiso blotting papers to matte it out when mid-day comes.

Last Saturday.... I brought my grandmother to Chinatown and she is queen there because she was the one leading Derek and I around everywhere while we had to take quicker steps to catch up. We went shopping together finding only blouses that were under $10 if not she refuses to buy even if it's $11.90 LOL. Rushed for my last ever driving lesson in the afternoon then after and then we went to a new place.

I'm pretty used to not knowing where we're going when he takes the wheel until we get there and I'll ask where we are. Always kena 'shhh'-ed when I relentlessly go on and on with questions during the ride. Since I'm tired of getting shh-ed and he's tired of hearing it and then 'shh'-ing me already so after awhile I've learnt to shut up and enjoy the ride.

So fucking beautiful, no? Ok I really love the sea view. I was so scared I was gonna drop my things into the sea when we sat at the edge of the platform... Paranoia.

Good thing I took the camera back from Shearen in time earlier in the day. However bitchy she is she was so nice to exchange shoes with me when we met at Kembangan since mine gave way while getting there and she walked on my half-fucked sandals back home from the station. For one day Shearen was so nice it was such an abnormal day...

Bacon plus jap mushroom: DOPE. Didn't come cheap to eat a buffet there though... My heart ached when I saw the bill. :(

We made it up by settling at Siglap for budget lunch the next day. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise that I forgot the PIN number to my UOB account which I'd just set up recently... Somehow it's like savings that can't be withdrawn and therefore it forces me to save. As pathetic as this may sound it's working and I'm confused if I should head down to the bank to reset the PIN or not.

Say hi to Min Er. She's a kid that plays Plants vs. Zombies - except that she never ever completes one game at all bcos she always clicks the exit game button just when she knows she's about to die and go 'I don't want to play already' HAHAHHHA can vomit blood when I watch her play PVZ.

This is only 30% of her widest smile. When she smiles...
1) She wants to play with your handphone camera.
2) She wants to eat/drink your food/drink.
3) She wants you to youtube 'Barney' for her bcos she doesn't know how to spell.
(her PJs is a giveaway on how big a Barney fan she is.)

Automatic open my bag to find my phone when I lied to her a blangah stole it... not shy only.

Now my phone's spammed with horribly taken pictures that's full of shutters. Lucky she's adorable if not I'll be annoyed by now... She spammed my MSN convo with Pei as well and claims she's chatting with my friend when it's gibberish language when I wasn't paying attention. (!!!)

The only good thing about her is how she could annoy Derek awake when she plays stupid nursery rhymes on Youtube in his room. Saves me the time to wait for him to wake up.

Slyvia, Derek's mum and I debating if it is appropriate to test water in a relationship. Derek's mum was all out against it while Slyvia and I were like, 'EH WE HAVE PRIDE AND YES MUST TEST WATER' See.... the difference in mentality has a direct relationship with the difference in age gap.

Hopefully I'll successfully drive down to CCK this Thursday afternoon to pick Derek up from his godforsaken camp. Cos YES, AS OF 1ST FEBRUARY I AM A CERTIFIED DRIVER COOL OR WHAT!!!!!! I was still harping over it yesterday but today my excitement died to zero already.

I never expected myself to pass in fact, and yeah yeah yeah stop going on already on how testers are more lenient with girls. I didn't wear a short skirt nor did I wear a low top on Monday.. I was just humble when I made an immediate failure mistake. And ironically, it was after he said 'So far you haven't made any mistakes keep it up' I think I was so happy it distracted me and I striked the kerb at my vertical parking and then turned out to the opposing traffic lane in the circuit right after that.

Kan chiong ma.
But doesn't matter, I PASSED ALREADY AND I WOULDN'T NEED TO RETAKE AND RELEARN PARKING WITHOUT POLES.

Derek was so confident I was gonna pass he didn't bring money to camp since 'you will fetch me and I won't need to cab', as quoted. My mum was so supportive of me as well that very day, sending me to the centre and then waiting for me to do the admin stuff and rushed a car ride down to school for CFAS presentation after that.

She was the one that paid for my P plate that have already been pasted to her Saab. But she complained that people on the road bullied her and horned her for nothing when they thought she was noob with the P plate on the car HAHHAHHAHAHHA FREAKING FUNNY.

I took my first drive on my mum's Saab just now and everyone in the car told me they felt car-sick. :(

Having it good

2010-02-01T18:39:00.009+08:00

This is the Man of the House. I know how everyone thinks he's so stern and all when you guys come over to my place... But really, my dad's the funniest person ever when he's drunk. Maybe I should always get him drunk on wine before people come over to my place so they'll have a tweaked impression. Hahha ok no relevance to photos above.

So the idea of posting this up is I actually realise I have very little pictures with my folks. We went to Trader's Hotel to eat one night before my 19th birthday.

Back home, each of them sayang their favourite. Jay's pregnant again ugh we were a day late in seperating them when she was on heat. See her protuding nipples?!

On 13th Jan itself...

Simple lunch at Pizza Hut with my favourites from school. Roamed Clementi area after that for some hardcore ketchup sessions and that afternoon saw us running from block to block in desperation for a toilet. We were so desperate when Pei and I were high tide we even tried ringing doorbells HHAHAHAHA. Fuck we were on the verge of considering the staircase when I asked an old lady at the void deck if there was any toilets nearby and THANK GOD THERE WAS A MINDS' CAFE LOOKING PLACE that saved our bladder.

Quite hilarious to think about what happened man.

Went home that day anticipating a very quiet dinner with a few closed ones.

Doesn't look very quiet, I know right. I just had to say this again. Turned out different groups of people had plans for me all at the same time so everyone just turned up at my place in the end. My mum was going on about how there wasn't enough foood. This is the best example of how you feel so much happier with no expectations. I really expected nothing on the birthday, because......... wtf so old already celebrate what birthday shit siah.

People who turned up:

SO MUCH FOR QUIET.. There was so many more that I should have invited if I knew there was actually gonnna be a crowd but I guess most people couldn't make it on two hours' notice. Doesn't matter all my friends are still awesome anyway. Love every single one of you :)

Mud and his minah girlfriend. HAHHA OK I'M KIDDING

All the 'more than two years older than me but act like my age' guys!!! (Bao and Wj never come.... sad only)

Both set of parents / My mum and I have a stark resemblence here don't you think so?

Too happy for my own good I had to laugh so unglamly. Considering how the day actually started out bad in the beginning..... Yeah hella good to have such good friends.

All of them were mocking me when my cake was so badly sliced.

Closest pair of friends that are a couple.. Happy 4 years the both of you :)

Rachel made it even though she had tons of projects to be done that day, she and Ni both bought a sunflower for me from the same florist at Bedok Inter. Coincidence much? Her bday's next.

Now all the JC kids done with their As look more fashionable than the poly kids who are still dying at school.

NOT FORGETTING THE BEST FRIEND!! How many years have we known each other for again?
(I'm actually at her place trying to do work now but I ended up blogging ugh...)

Decided to take pictures of everyone individually, I look pretty screwed up in most of the pics cos ok, I was tired of smiling LOL. Simran went off early and I can't seem to find a proper picture of us taken together :(

Yeah you don't see this moron in most of the pictures bcos she decided that she would isolate herself ON MY BIRTHDAY and prove her intelligence by hogging onto Wilberg's iTouch to play some highly intellectual game to prove her stand that she's not math-stupid.

Truth is she still is sooo...........
Ok back to more pictures.

(HA HA HA DON'T KILL ME OK I STILL THINK YOU LOOK HOT HERE)

Every other time there'll be a afterparty..

Abit high already I know... Only berg and I hardcore drink. Hin had to drive and don't mind Nai he doesn't drink so his little bit of alcohol intake was too much for his blood. Weiru was still going on about her stupid iTouch and Price....... no that season clubber she doesn't get high that easily.

I know it's really late to post this up but better late than never and thank you everyone that made it so happening :)

Will post more photos up the next few days pinky promize.

How much of this is me

2010-01-21T00:11:00.003+08:00

Read through my livejournal archive. Revived thoughts I had buried deep down under, images I'd long forgotten.

There's this mixed emotion in me on how much things have changed for me. I won't say it's a bad feeling to feel, but then again not something good at the same time. No, I don't make sense.. do I? Maybe I should have appreciated my innocence much more back then, then I wouldn't be so messed up now in so many twisted ways.

Was almost tempted to click the 'delete' button to delete the entire journal but it occured to me that this wasn't just any site, it was two years worth of my life writings and everything that happened and how I felt and how genuine I was to myself in every entry I posted because I had so much privacy in viewership. Suddenly in comparison, my blogspot looks empty meaningless and bimbotic because every other time I pick my words carefully, choose a front I want to put up, build this wall to hold my perfect world together, and then filter away what I hope I would forget years down the road because they weren't what I'd want to happen in the first place.

I'm just always the person that sees things from the point of view I tell myself to see, I don't realise the good I've learnt out of a mistake. It's like I've been lying to myself about how I'm doing for too long a time it makes everything else numb.

Now, I feel like deleting this place instead.

Scent plus some updates

2010-01-18T02:35:00.003+08:00

So irrelevant but...

Just when I thought I should splurge on some good perfume getting myself Incanto Heaven by Ferragamo, they bought me another for the 19th birthday. Hahah so sweet la the guys >:) I'm not sure if there's any hidden message to that or anything they want me to mask away...... But whatever I'm starting to use the Estee scent more often lately only because it stays on me longer and I'm pretty hooked on the scent too. Thank god I bought Incanto Heaven for cheap.

This year all the presents came in very small packages and happened to all be very costly/branded. Example: YSL polish from Simran, Agnes B necklace from Price, SK diamond necklace from Derek... I look like brandwhore meh?!?! But hahha ok I love all my presents I'm not complaining but I'm just trying to put my point across that I appreciate sunflowers given as presents too. On the 13th, my day started out fucking bitter and then it became sweeter and slowly turned diabetic towards the end of the night. Everything was simple, nothing extravagant. Maybe, when you hold no expections of anything to happen on that day.... you feel so much more. I really love all my friends. And thanks to all that wished me!! My folks made it great for me this year as well, no present(yet) because when they asked me what I want I said 'Car' and my mum rolled her eyes WTF RIGHT now you know where I get my body language from. It'll be put on hold though sigh my GTI!!!!

I know la, haven't update about the very unexpected celebration for my 19th yet. Amirul's in the midst of helping me to upload the pictures so pls wait and stay tuned while in the meantime it's time for me to giddy up on projects and start getting lecture notes that I've missed.

Ok time to sleep. Back to monday-thursday routine.
Derek better not have confinement this coming week if not I really will cry.

Last weekend..

2010-01-12T00:29:00.006+08:00

Was spent with only 12 hours apart from book-out time to book-in time.
LIKE INDUSTRIAL GLUE... cannot take it.

Finally went to town together via public transport(FREAKING PROUD OF US) and it was the first time I had the chance to navigate our way instead of him, bearing in mind the very stark difference of how I'm a towner and he's a heartlander. Jap-ed for linner at The Cathay, forced me to get a bday present that I didn't even choose for myself so he could hurry away back to Tampines from the crowd that very crowded Saturday. Sad, what a brief town moment.

The rest of the time.. we just nua-ed at his crib, kept eating until I realised I've gained 3kg, kept watching old hk movies on cable, kept PVZ-ing, kept pillow-fighting........... and I realise he talks gibberish when he takes his nap. I still respond 'huh?' to him wtf feel stupid.

Hopefully I can pass my TP next month then can vrrroom vrrroom around already... provided I stop having the habit of checking my blind spot on the left when I'm turning right and stop feeling so freaking stupid when that happened like twice during my lesson on a very tired sleepless day. Then travelling down to Keat Hong Camp would never be a fucking hassle, and I wouldn't be followed around by wild dogs while waiting around that ulu area for his book-out as well.

Just quite upset he won't be out on Wednesday.

Its the first time I've decided to have a quiet birthday to myself, hahha really weird I'm growing up. Well, not all that quiet anywayyy anyone that have asked me out would be invited to chill at my place on Wed. I've decided that I'll finish school at 1 so lias with the rest if you want to come..................... Don't come also nvm cos I'm sad enough that my mum mistook my birthday for 12th instead of 13th and I received a bday sms from her at 0025 earlier just now. :( And she lied to me saying she just wanted to wish me an advance bday not that she forgot. Lies!!!!

Still sms sia, cannot climb up one level to wish me personally.
Cb.

This is the longest post with the longest title ever about how I've been spending my days oh so happily

2010-01-09T20:58:00.011+08:00

I know right..... I've been so behind time on Vodkalisque to update but please don't blame me, blame my school it's been a bitch and all the project deadlines coming up it's taking a toll on my sleeping time.

Eve of eve of eve of 2009: 29 Dec

First time in a very long time we had time to sit down and talk, first time I heard melayu being spoken by Amirul, first time seeing Atiqah, and the first time I had a compliment from David. Strike jackpot man.

Eve of eve of 2009: 30 Dec

(check out the height difference)

All three of us wore waxy jeans on purpose. Pretty gay but mine's from Topshop while the two guys had the same pair from Zara. Forced Jr to watch Avatar 3D because Miko and I were so desperate that the rest of the world watched it already.. except us. IT'S FUCKING GOOOD LAH!!! (i see you ^^)

Stayed alone at Cityhall for one hour... Before

I saw these two!!! (after like close to a year)

We couldn't stop interrupting each other while updating each other on our new chapters in life hahhahah really miss the both of them and the days we stupidly worked at LJS Cineleisure for a stupid pay of $3.50/hr when we were in sec school and how we always played pool after working and the late night conference calls. That was already 5 years back.

We met at Supperclub later at night again after I headed home to put my stuff down. Things pretty much went out of hand for me..... but all's fine in the end.
Got to meet them up soon again before we have a time gap in life news feed again. Hehe.

Eve of 2009

The Price's place for the usual annual routine for the bbq with all the other old neighbours over as well. But we didn't stay there for long, well at least for Shahirah and I. The adults decided to blast the music in their music room that had top range hi-fi system and had fun dancing in their made-pretend club. -.-

Derek fetched me to David's place when we were into our first hour of 2010.
Just because, 'I fetched you when I didn't have to cos I wanted to spend the first minute of 2010 with you' awwwwwww so sweet right, then we spent the first minute of 2010 in the car outside David's condo and I gave him a new year kiss. Happy like cow only, start 2010 with a kiss.

(sorry ah.. uh no pictures for that incident.)

Watched Battle Royale, you got to fucking google that sick show if you haven't watched it to understand the plot the show is so fucking twisted.. cannotch take it. Headed to good old Raimah's for prata and some chit chat. Lots of plans surfaced last minute on eve and somehow I just am in one piece and couldn't be at 4 places at one time.

Spent the rest at night at Derek's place after David's. Fell asleep, didn't answer my mum's 26 missed calls, got many other friends' missed calls, returned my friends' missed calls, went home and got fucked. Hahahhaha. Shitass funny now that i think about it. Well. Obviously not funny then when you were in panic mode then. ._____.

But glad my folks and I had a good talk. Many things fucked up recently between us but you know how they say everything happens for a reason? There's a lot of mutual understanding between us now that we've talked things out. House rules not brokened = freedom earned. I love them for being so understanding that I could no longer spend Sundays with the family... Got to make it up to them somehow but I haven't brainstormed how yet.

Anyway, into 2010 it started good when..

WEIRU AND I TITAN-ED AT SG FLYER!!!
It was such a last minute decision to share the booth with her, I only agreed to help her out with selling the clothes and I was thinking like a big WTF if like I'm gonna be there the whole day I might as well bring my share of loots to get rid off.

(This picture shows only a third of the amount of clothes we had there)

DEREK STONING HAHHAHA WTF

I have double chin and fat arms and messy hair here but it's ok I had to cheer him up by being so bored just sitting there. Miko and Jr were damn sweet to come down as well just to accompany us and Jr's been the one snapping all these pictures while Weiru and I were preoccupied battling the bargaining aunties that at the end of the day we were so auntie also... Shagged, messy hair, sweaty, tired out...... but richer $.$ (by alot!)

There was this girl I didn't even recognise.

Girl: Eh I was from TK also you can give me discount anot?
Me: Uh, really? Haha you my guides senior is it?
Girl: No la I'm your junior. So can I have this for 5$?
Me: (don't recognise her but paiseh to say....) uh ok haha $5 can.

After I gave her change I felt like a loser. WHAT IF SHE WAS LYING TO ME AND WASN'T EVEN FROM TK AT ALL, then I kui qian only. Best I thought she was my senior but no she was my junior. Wtf until now I still can't recall seeing that face anywhere during my secondary school days at all. Ok I'm very convinced I got conned already...

There's so many to thank for that made this happen! Hinfan for the ride there if not we would have died over and over again. Miko + Jr for assistance and company and helping us to get drinks and helping me to guide Derek to the booth when it was impossible for me to get away. Derek for getting us food and keeping my cash safe and counting my cash time to time and packing up and the ride back with the Vios squeezed to the brim (it was such a funny sight to see the entire car so filled up but we were so exhuasted to take a shot), and not forgetting Rachel who was over at my place the day before.. helping me to pack up the clothes what a way to spend the new year but she was a great help in any case. LOVE ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saw many faces that day as well. Got rid of more than half my load of unwanted clothes and spent nothing at the other booths at the flea. The logic of how you want to buy everything when you have no cash and how everything doesn't look good enough to be bought when you have cash stands true in this very example.

Should I still continue the post? It's fucking long already and it's 3.05am.
Fuck la ok just continue, school start on monday I'll probably disappear from the face of this page again.

Anyway, 3 jan(sunday) the next day after Flea Titans the relatives came over to my place for some celebration before my youngest uncle goes back to Perth again.

This is my youngest cousin, he and his sis added me on Fb and it made me feel so restricted on my language when I post a new status or comment. Ugh.

This is the oldest cousin. The best of a bigger brother I could ever ask for.

There's only like 5 of us on my dad's side to complete the entire 3rd generation. You see four there because Roy's in Taiwan as a medic for army right now. We've decided that my Canon lens cap would represent him. HAHHA.

7th jan(thursday), WEIRONG'S 19th BIRTHDAY!!!!

(the after effect of having 10 hours of sleep for 3 days.. eyebags spam)

I don't think I'd ever mentioned that I have a bird at home. Pretty insignificant to me la cos only my parents are in love with it cos whenever they go 'Poppy!' the bird chirps and it makes them happy. .___.

Maybe because it came free to us more than a year or two ago when it flew into our toilet window and refused to leave the house.

All of them were pretty intrigued by Poppy only because the dogs were put the basement because Weirong was so scared of them that she cried when Rex barked at her LOL FUCKING FUNNY MAKE BDAY GIRL CRY ON HER BDAY.

So we had prata sausage cheese hotdogs along with chicken wings and alot of the usual expected BBQ stuff that we shopped for at Bedok before heading back to my place. No one said anything about a birthday cake... I think Weirong jitao damn sad already by the time we were done eating and there was still no cake, but you saw the watermelon Imee was holding(looks above) right?
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY WEI RONG!!!!!

HAHA WTF WATERMELON FOR A BIRTHDAY CAKE.
Thanks to Chang who came late and bought the candles.

I just learnt how to do an animation with CS4 and here goes an example:

LOL CUTE OR WHAT?

There's many more like the guys did the buddha of many hands thing but I'll do all animations again another time.

Had the best time of our lives talking about people from sec school and just laughing over dumb incidents that happened then. They make me miss sec school so much! Upper sec times to be specific. These people made the best class ever.

Ok I am so done with the longest post I'd ever had in a trillion years and it's 5.36am now.. currently talking to Jo complaining to her how this post is taking forever while uploading the pics and blogging. And she went,

Since when you're not ugly... HAHHAHA
But fuck a few just told me I look like Jo in my MSN dp(the one you see above).

Then like that I'm also ugly. :(

Let's start this bare

2010-01-02T03:52:00.005+08:00

I should be dead asleep right now, should be mentally drained from what's been happening at home lately... But I know if I'd delayed this post it'll probably never ever happen forever.

Yes, I'm getting started on the stupid cliche new year post you see everywhere - the only diff is I have no resolutions because really... fuck resolutions la you tell me who follows them?!
(besides David that already succeeded in fufilling 4/5 of his resolution to steal his dad's car 5 times in the year.. First attempt down on new year itself)

So I'll prefer to conclude 2009, have a somewhat grand closure to a very meaningful year where I had lost some and gained more, somewhat balancing things out and also turning my life in another direction that's still pretty unknown(though hopefully good) to me.

The biggest loss I had in 2009 was my grandfather. Maybe I took it so hard because I'd never lost anyone dear to me even though I'm already 18. Those nights when I'm filled to the brim with regrets on how things could have been if I'd spent more time with him still do haunt me. It made me realise how much I must never make the same mistake with my grandmother, who still weeps at the thought of my grandpa every night till now.

His death woke me up along the way from a lot of ideas I had made-believed. The best wake-up call was how I tried to believe Sheldon was the one for me because of how much time and effort and blood I'd given up for 5 years to make things work for us, how I didn't want my time to go to waste and how I was afraid to let go because I wouldn't feel the same security. I disregarded the fact that I knew something was still amiss after all these years, something that could still make me feel so cold and alone. It was as if no words too great he had could console me and really make me feel better from the inside. I guess we both tried our best to keep this relationship alive for too long a time that it just drained us out altogether. It's been too much of a viscious cycle which we both have tried to escape now and then.

Did I regret ever loving him? Loving him and learning a lot more in the process about myself.. No I'd never regretted. But I'd definitely regretted holding too long on to something I knew was dead on the inside of me, to the extent where problems we had no longer stinged me, nor bring tears to my eyes. I had too much pride to put my ideas down to see the bigger picture of how genuine happiness should actually be.

If not for what I'd been through, I'll never be with Derek now. Because I'll never know how badly I genuinely want to be happy and I wouldn't have taken the initiative for things to happen. It made me realise how hard it's gonna be for me to chance upon another like him who I could be brutally honest with about almost anything, someone that really made me glow from the inside. Someone like him that puts his pride down for me, doesn't mind one bit to go through unneccessary judgements from people that couldn't stop harping over my past, never taking a minute's break on checking up on me when I'm not okay.. It was something he did so naturally even before we were together. How his words could magically ease my anxiety and how it could reassure me on everything and anything.. I really don't know how he does it.

He was probably the best gain I had for last year. Everyone says it's too fast to be sure of the situation, but I knew it was going to be something I want to go through anyway whether it was gonna turn out bad or good. I only wished we met earlier, met before my situation got so complicated. It's hard to tell how far we would go for now when things are just about to begin, but I really wouldn't want anything to screw up. Because for how I feel now.... I want to feel nothing less than this for always.

Most important pillars of strength - my friends. Those that have stood by me through the toughest times, accepted me for who I am, how I've evolved. Friends that I'd never expected to be concerned for me but still popped out of nowhere to make sure the words of concern got to me from them. You really won't wanna know how important you guys are, if not your head will get big. If I were to start naming everyone out.. the list would never end because I feel like the luckiest girl to have so fucking many great friends around me it never makes me feel cold.

I've lost a friend who I actually thought could have lasted me a true friendship, or at least it was one-sided I guess. My mum was right about how only time will tell a person, and I couldn't blame anyone but myself for the lack of judgement I had in my selection of friends. I did my best to salvage it only to realise that it wasn't worth the shot in any case. Well I'm not saying this was a loss, it was more of a gain for me.. probably learnt alot more in losing her than to still have her as a friend.

I was definitely a very judgemental person, because I'd never been the one in the eyes of judgement itself before till what's been going on right now. I'd been too quick to judge and too opinionated on many issues for my own good that now that I've realised it's wrong to say that I've changed.

It was only realising more about myself, and only being even more of who I truly am.

Long post, I know.

Definitely hoping for a even better year to come.
2010, hi.

I'm going back to the corner, where I first saw you

2009-12-29T04:20:00.007+08:00

To the last picture... My mum could never get more random. She had to sms me instead of taking the trouble of walking down a corridor and climbing up one flight of stairs(which would have been more sincere) just to tell me to stop painting my nails when she noticed I've been stocking up on the colours. If anyone ever blames me for being lazy, I'm telling you it's in the genes.

Anyway, HOW WAS YOUR CHRISTMAS? Mine was quiet and a stay-home(ok not like it was my own home but yeaaaaaah it's almost like 2nd home already) one and nothing of the ordinary like spraying foam in town or clubbing or drinking or pubbing or partying. Nope, I spent my day out with Weiru in the morning to run some errands and then she abandoned me and I headed to my 2nd home to seek refuge at Tampines.

CY Tan just booked in this evening again, but he's gonna be out on Thursday again. Talk about being so happy and optimistic kwa kwa kwa. Though I paid my price for his extra two days out(two days MC) bcos his collarbone still hurts like a motherfucker, I had to go over to his place for 2 days straight to keep him company - cos he couldn't step out of the house or it'll be awol if he gets caught.

Fucking hell everything in SAF also can kena charge.
And I quote him as CY Tan cos he loves to [ctrl + f] his own name whenever he's at Vodkalisque and skips the rest of my entry that doesn't concern him. Super into himself.

More photos over at FB but it's all in fragments of outings so it's pretty hard to post everything cos I have to elaborate alot. For now I'm just being a bacon as well to have a long post, cos I'm halfway through clearing my room that looks like it's been through a warzone. Sorting out what I want to get rid of for Flea Tian IV this sat.

YES I WILL BE THERE WITH WEIRU SO COME TO THE FLYER AND BUY FROM US LEH DON'T BE SO LITTLE OF A FRIEND!!

"Sometimes the best isn't what makes you the happiest"

2009-12-25T04:46:00.004+08:00

"What you thought would have broken you to pieces made you hold yourself even tighter. Do you then realise the importance of us, of me, of you? The effort and strength to pull through this and believe in everything that's still almost far-fetched; believe that everything we have is nothing lesser than true. Nothing must screw up, and nothing will take me away from you."

You're the best gift ever.
Merry Christmas.

Someone called me 'Bacon' today

2009-12-22T02:45:00.013+08:00

Because my tummy is inflating and my sleeping hours is multiplying and I think I've just brought myself to a whole new level that the word 'lazy' isn't even a quarter enough to express how I am right now. Maybe he thought pig wasn't the best word to describe me right now. So yeah, from now on I'm uh.... Bacon.

Anyway!!! PEIPEI TURNED 19 ON THE 10TH!!!!
So overdued but she pooor thing, her birthday just before CTs and then like we go out think about how we haven't study for exams like sad only.

(can't stand Cheryl freaking act cute)

First stop: Marina Barrage. Highlights? I was the one that got the kite up effortlessly!! Bought way too much food, can't you tell. -.- Chocs melted, KFC unfinished, I brought the unfinished bananas home for Jayjay. (Jayjay's fav - bananas). Bought straw mat and kite then and there lucky it was on offer if not our throat kenna slit only.

The weather was melting us so we left early for town.
Cut her melted cake outside Ion!!

When I see this picture ah, I understand why they're together liao. Both also like to act cute.

Check out my outbreak before I was done with exams. 0.0

See this face? I was trying very hard to be
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HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHA

Obviously I failed.
CAN'T STAND HER FACE OMG NOW I LOOK AT IT I WANNA LAUGH AGAIN.

Cheryl and her another attempt of squirrel face

Last stop at Teoheng, being a very faithful customer we paid for one hour and got another hour free. Nehxs!!

I feel so sleepy now. Slept at 8 in the morning just to bid on a Topshop Kate Moss Romper that was only 7USD on eBay... And when I wanted to act cool and strike at the last 5 minutes before the bid closes, I FUCKING REALISED THAT THE SELLER ONLY ALLOWED USA REGISTERED BIDDERS?? LIKE WTF I'M STILL SHIPPING TO A US ADD RIGHT.... And by the time I emailed the seller to get her to unblock the settings, I was left with 26 seconds before the bid ended and yeah I lost it cos my page couldn't fucking load faster. So the bid closed at 7.50USD and I went to sleep after staying up for 5 hours for nothing being the most grumpiest girl alive. I can't believe I stayed up till 8 for nothing. 8.16am... to be specific. Ultimate FML scenario.

I still have a long list of errands to be done. Started on clearing out the clothes a little over at Denudde, a long overdued email I promised myself to write to Jo, developing photos for the room, successfully burn CDs for the car, throwing out stuff that I no longer need/want, continue to control myself from having stupid urges, make a police report, update Frdyfxtn(IT'S SO FUCKING ABANDONED!!!)...... While the rest of the world seems to be overseas right now it's a damn good time to get personal stuff done and have personal time. It's like how I prefer to shop alone than to shop with people hahahha shit I bet no one knew I was such an introvert.

Anyway I haven't been having very concrete entries about how everything about my life has been shifting these months. You know how transition periods puts this essence of uncertainty in you, but yet it makes you see things from a totally different perspective? It's pretty scary to realise you actually knew so little about yourself until you broke away from your comfort zone and open your eyes wide and seek what you knew you wanted all along.

I'm been the most honest bitch about my feelings lately, something I never knew I could be.. I still couldn't come to terms that I was the one that was so thick skin to tell Derek how I felt when I wasn't even sure how he felt. I didn't even think of the consequences of what would have happened if it was a one-sided thing and then I malu only. Hahhahahahhaha but yes I did, and I'm glad I was reckless for the first time.

I can't wait for him to come out of camp, can't picture him botak and burnt and cui. These two weeks has been a roller coaster ride, for me at least. Phonecalls at 9.30, sending mindless smses without getting replies every other day, worried about your arm injury and really missing you a whole fucking lot.

I could go crazy.

Broccolis

2009-12-16T12:38:00.002+08:00

CTs starts in approximately 3 hours 20 minutes.
I haven't touched 3 chapters of the paper I'll be sitting for later.

Not panicking. I'm still having lamb steak + fries + broccolis for lunch right now in my room. And all I can think of now is how almost everyone laughed when I told them I cooked broccolis for Derek on the day he enlisted whenever I stuff another broccoli into my mouth.

Sad.
Very funny meh?!

I know the pain of having a boyfriend with the govt like fuckingfinally. It's not funny, it's no joking matter, it's a viscious phase that could push you up the wall and put you on the brink of tears. I never thought it would have been even a quarter this bad(not even half) but Weijia told me I'm only human to feel this way.

Made a list of To-Dos after Friday when papers would end. Talk about focusing on studying... Sigh.

Have a lot of Peishi uploads to be done after the papers on how elaborately we celebrated her 19th.

Such a redundunt post, but I just needed it.
Ok back to eating.

Spilt Ends

2009-12-12T18:15:00.003+08:00

I've been cutting off my spilt ends for the past one hour or so, while Weiru was falling asleep on the couch behind me. I'm so obsessed with my hair these days but I guess that doesn't change the fact that it's still thin dry curly and almost close to looking like the hair between your pits.

So much for work productivity. I should have stayed at Siglap alone to do my work, sighhh now I'm distracted with my spilt ends and it makes me wanna go for the haircut(which has been very delayed, haven't had one since CNY).

Everyone's like enjoying life except me. Shearen away in Indo, when I last called Imee she was L4D-ing, Nicole in Europe, Miko in Korea, Jr going to Korea soon, Simran and Price done with exams and the latter is going Zoukout(!!!) tonight............ All fuckers. And then when it's time for me to study everyone starts asking me out. All fuckers again.

I feel so fat now, cos I just drank another can of Red Bull and ate Pringles and chocs and 3 yoghurt topps. Notice you eat a lot more when you're depressed? I feel like some xiaolongbao right now at Novena.

By the way if you're a good friend, please don't ask me out until the 18th unless it's for the only good reason to ask me out - which is to study. Please eject fear in me by telling me that I will fail no matter how hard I try, and I will have to retake module, and I will have to be barred from attachment if I fail...... All in the name of friendship you'll be the bestest friend ever for the motivation you're gonnna give me and please act like you mean it if you say for the sake of saying I know you acting only and like.. No effect what like that.

Shit I just pressed my hair ends between my thumb and index and I heard that 'zzzzzz' sound.
SO DRY.

Feeling too much that it feels like nothing

2009-12-11T00:39:00.004+08:00

Feels like you're going for a 2 year jail sentence when you're finally gonna be botak tmr. And we just saw each other for the last night merely for an hour - which was well spent with every second that passed in any case.. But sigh one hour nia.

I think I got over the fact the night before, that you can't be there for me whenever I want you to anymore. The phrase 'time is not a factor', is screwed it into my mind hard and good and I didn't pull a long face today when we met like, wtf!! So little time and I still wanna waste time sulking. Pretty dumb right. So I was logical and I didn't.

It's not the end of the world. I'm sure technology will save us.. Now that I have free outgoing to Derek my phone bill won't go rocket high no more!!!

Shit la.

Ugh.
Fuck.

2 more days to Friday, 10am

2009-12-09T01:53:00.003+08:00

I told myself I'll never be with someone that smokes, someone that's younger than me(even by months), someone that doesn't like shopping, someone that doesn't like going to town, someone that never agrees with me on what food's good, someone's that is so damn lazy(!!!)... Someone that is everything that you are.

But I feel so upset, that in 2 more days things are gonna be so different for us. No more late nights out, heading to the park, mindless car rides... I just wished we started way earlier and I wished things wouldn't have been this complicated and for you to go through all of these unnecessary crap.

I guess I never had such overwhelming emotions all coming at once in the longest time.

P/s: Quit smoking ok?

Tonight's gonna be a good night

2009-12-05T01:10:00.005+08:00

It was so painful to convert every single one of these photos from raw file formats to jpegs... One by one.

I had 6 hours of sleep for two days.
I'm so lazy with words so this is what I'm going to put you up with in the meantime.

I NEED TO COME TO A FRKIN DECISION

2009-11-29T18:02:00.003+08:00

Omg this is so mind-fucking I want to meet Derek but I have a quiz to study for tomorrow but I want to meet Derek cos in 12 days' time the government plans to take him away from me but my quiz is graded but Derek will be botak and clothed in ugly army uniform soon but I know nothing about investment but it's TWELVE DAYS LEFT OMG sigh........................ Full of mind-fucking decisions.

I think I should refrain from using so much vulgarities... Since my little cousins are friends with me on Facebook they could stumble over my blog anytime.

Ok I will force myself to come to a decision in 15 minutes max.

You would not believe your eyes if ten million fireflies

2009-11-27T15:07:00.003+08:00

Looks like some high class place we went to but it's only Aston's at The Cathay where chicken with two sides only cost $6.50. Check out Peishi's normally very ugly face - last picture.

My bodyclock's really screwed up I've been out almost every night for the week, sneaking back home at 6am/7am and I have a very gross neck now with a bad pimple outbreak so bad that it looks like I'm going puberty all over again but no it's only because I've been lacking ALOT of sleep. You see? This is what happens when we don't go out at sightly hours when the sun's still up.

I thought I would be spending Elearning catching up on school, least to say I'm queen of procrastination and I foresee myself to be panicking at the 11th hour when I have to complete everything by this week. Since I haven't started.

Gonnna be seeing the the usuals later at EWF leh.
Excited. ^^v

Honestly?

2009-11-25T00:46:00.006+08:00

You want to know what's the hardest part about this whole issue right now?

It's about how you guys look at me now. You guys, as in people I give a shit about. I won't give even care like some motherfucking loser that stalks my life think about how I am la ok it's like YOU ARE MY FRIEND WHY DO YOU FUCKING THINK OF ME THAT WAY?

JUST BECAUSE EVERYONE THOUGHT THAT S AND I WOULD HAVE BEEN FOREVER TOGETHER AND LIKE FUCK THAT IDEA ALREADY OK I'M FUCKING SICK OF HOW I EVEN HAD TO PUT UP A HAPPY FRONT TO SAVE MYSELF DRAMA WHILE I WAS STILL WITH HIM SO I COULD CONTINUE TO STICK TO MY SICK IDEA THAT I KNEW WOULDN'T WORK OUT ANYWAY.

WHY AM I EVEN BOTHERING FOR AN EXPLANATION ANYWAY?!
FUCK.

I hardly even question myself about how I feel. I know you care, you care if I'm taking the wrong step because yes you care for me but who's gonna be all that 99% sure that things would work out the moment you start out?

It's about how skeptical everyone is about how I feel. All those, 'this is only a rebound', 'it's a replacement', 'it's a fling', 'you're just using him to spite your ex'... Do you honestly see me that way? Do you think it's fair of you to think of the latter that way? Why does everyone only think about how S feel and not how the current feels mistreated because of my still-very-complicated-and-(in everyone's opinion)-unstable situation?

It's probably my fault on my part that I had too much pride in the way to show how distant I already was in that long term relationship. I was already over it, when I was still in it. Why isn't anyone happy for me that I am happier?

If no one harped on my past, all these wouldn't even be neccessary. I am aware it takes some time for the idea to sink in. Obviously I want the best for myself, and I am obviously doing this for what I deem as best, because you don't understand how much more I want myself to be happy than you want me to.

Idk how you may feel at the end of this post but to conclude it all I am happy that you are concerned for me, and that you want the best for me and I love you for that. If you think this is a mistake then let me be and realise it is indeed a mistake when it goes the wrong way and just let me get crushed then I'll learn the hard way.

But what most of you are doing now suffocates me.
I'm just so tired of explanations.

Corona and lime

2009-11-22T13:45:00.006+08:00

It's been this long a time when I suddenly feel like I've lost control of my own life. I'd always been in control, regardless of the many mixed emotions I may feel.

Should I realise recently, that indeed I am a closet control freak when it comes to planning out my life and how I don't take spontaenous ideas to mind - more like ideas that I didn't expect coming my way. Someone that really understood me pointed this out and maybe that was why I held on so tight to ideas I used to believe in, and that was why it took me so long to let go of something I was so comfortable and habitual to.

How I always told myself never to take the initiative, how I always thought things would happen if they had to... I realise to make things happen you fight for it, and you do what it takes.

The doc said my headache was due to tension. He said I was stressed. So it's true that my emotional stress is the cause of it, looking at how things got so complicated of late; things are happening faster than how much I can absorb.

What's been happening still doesn't feel real. I guess anticipation gets the better of me when I pictured the aftermath of a seperation to be pretty negative. Truth is, I'm actually happier. In a lot of ways.

The best things come when you least expect it. Hopefully not thinking and worrying too much on this decision would be right for once.

And hopefully, neither of us gets hurt along the way.

This..

2009-11-20T01:03:00.003+08:00

This was the F21 loot that burnt my account with the overdraft interest. I still feel pissed ok. (looks two/three posts down)

These were a few of my recent shots.
Okay... not really a few.

This is Gabby. She's super adorable and very annoying at the same time.

And this is the elder brother, Nicholas. He just demostrated the epitome of an ugly face.

This was at Marina Barrage, hours ago.

Some photos from the portfolio that I personally like, and some others that were randomly snapped while I was out. Some taken a long way back... but I was too preoccupied with myself to keep up with posting them up.

There's a whole load of CR2 files I can't open with my Photoshop CS3 and it makes me wanna stab myself dry so wasted!!!!!!!!!

Anyway. I'm so happy that Photog is finally over and done with!!! You know how they say something is only fun when it isn't a commitment? Yes I'm glad I'm not a design student and being stuck in Banking is definitely way better than being stuck in some godforsaken design course it's just really not for me. Didn't help that it's been the monsoon season of late. Everyone that accompanies me to locations to take photos, we end up being distracted when the weather started to suck and we do things like shopping, talking, exploring new places, eating ice cream etc. No doubt it was fun but.. stressful uh. At least I can gloat on the fact that I don't need to go back for IS next week while it's Elearning.

I've been having this headache for close to a week and as stubborn as I've always been.. I refuse to see the doc simply bcos I've been too lazy.

Ok the sharp pain is coming back again.
I'm going to see the doc tmr it's fucking mind-torturing... Have to skip school I just msged Peh hopefully she's not pissed. :(

I think my headache was caused by too much emotional stress.

No traces, without these traces

2009-11-16T02:08:00.002+08:00

Hinfan's belated 20th equation:
Shouting 'PENIS' out of the car window + Dempsey + Timbre Arts House + Spending a whole load of cash = an unexpectedly good saturday night for the mood I was in that day.

Seemed like Weiru was pretty high from being only slightly tipsy that night.. From the wallet-biting photos to really going crazy with me when we shouted PENIS so loudly in public that Hinfan didn't want to walk with us, nor did he want to let us in his car. Mean hor. WE GOT HIM ASICS FOR PRESENT SOMEMORE TREAT US LIKE THAT!!

I know it's very overdued but... yeah. Wilberg missed out on alot but I'm meeting that slut on Tuesday for dinner for some catching up.

Ok I have a lot to update but I'm very tired now. I know right, this place is dead. But life isn't for me..... it just became more happening.

If you're gonna judge me for not being upset and tearing over a breakup every other minute.. I'm just not the person to wallow in self-pity nor would I live in denial. I wouldn't say I'm not upset but I'm getting over and done with it. I'm moving on and I'm progressing great.

I guess friends are still forever. Everyone came to my rescue when I thought I no longer had friends anymore when I once had my made-pretend universe.

Closing the chapter

2009-11-08T01:39:00.002+08:00

You proved to me that feelings are not everything in a relationship.
You were never worth the sting because I'd never meant enough for you to fight to make me stay.
You were the one that made me stop believing that everyone would always only end up with the one they love.

Because, I didn't.

There won't be another weeping story to stir.
Because I'm not looking back on something I honestly thought would last me a lifetime, but to only leave me disappointed all over again after 5 years.

Was it worth it? For the moment, yes. But now I'm tainted, I can never be who I used to be. Nor can I find that piece of me that's been taken away for good.

One thing's for sure.
I'll only be walking forward.
I'll only be moving on.

Life.

2009-11-02T00:08:00.004+08:00

is a tedious cycle of worrying, being frustrated, wanting more, never being satisfied and finding yourself ending up at square one again.

Like how all these 'SMU' 'CAR' 'UNI' 'GOOD GRADES' 'GPA 3.5' words were ringing constantly in my mind at the beginning of this sem, I'm feel almost tempted to want to skip school tomorrow only because I feel like shit now when I just found out DBS charged me an overdraft interest of $20 when my account was only of negative balance of -$5.50 for WHAT, 12 hours?!??! Fuck my life already I need to fucking control my wants.

Not implying that I'm dreading school or anything whatsoever. I just don't feel like going to school tmr bcos I wanna lie in bed and sulk. I'm actually enjoying every bit of it in a pretty different way.. being in a totally foreign tutorial group and yet not feeling insecure in any way when you hardly know anyone makes you feeel damn... dua. HAHA. Idk how to explain it or maybe I can't find words too bcos I'm still feeling pissed about the overdraft interested thing.

Amazing when I only have this irritating face for comfort everyday. She told the class I had curly hair OF ALL THINGS... when we had ice breaking. Damn cheebye.

Gekpeng. I just received an sms from her minutes ago saying.. 'I hate your cam! Spoil my image sia. Delete those ugly pics!'

Yeah really very ugly. HAHHAHA. But amazing she hasn't untagged herself in Fb yet. Gekpeng is actually a very pretty girl, she still looks so cute when she tries to be ugly. Hor? Cannot say no, if not she cry.

Cheryl's suay day to take pictures. She had to wear specs that day bcos she had a mosquito bite on her eyelids LOL. FUCKING FUNNY.

Three of the bestest that makes me wanna go to school everyday. This picture is epic. We're all so different but why are we so close?!??!

Even when Peishi got such a guailan face she's still the best person in the world to be the only friend where I could have a Bully Buffet on when all I need to say is sorry after I'm done. It's just a cycle. She knows it too but she lets me bully her anyway.... unlimited that's why it's buffet hehhhhh.

She's been driving me around from block to block for the last week and to convenient places after school and even to KAP for Mcd with Cheryl during break!!!!! Feel so pampered I haven't been making use of my bus concession for my afterschool transport lately.... Fuck even Cheryl has her sis's C class to drive. Me leh? :(

I started this entry feeling very pissed about the overdraft interest thing but right now I suddenly feel a tad bit happier when I talk about them. Maybe I should go to DBS tmr after school and give my puppy eyes and hopefully they'll gimme back my 20 bucks.... Mer.

Omg I just said I'll be going after school. Guess I'm going to school afterall.

Eyes like fire

2009-10-27T23:14:00.003+08:00

Comprehending everything that's happening lately is pretty impossible. Ever since I dreamt of my grandfather I've been looking at things differently without the exact intention to make things different for me.

No longer wanting to go out, I want to go home more than anything when I can. Just want to lie in bed, surf the net endlessly, appear offline on MSN as usual. I start to realise I've shifted and reshuffled my priorities unknowingly. Doing things that makes myself feel good, feigning ignorance when I know it's not right anyway, rather than to have the usual pressure in being the best person/friend/girlfriend/daughter everyone wants me to be.

Unexplainable.

It's the kind of sorrow you feel deep down within you, so deep it can't reach your skin and you can't feel your tears with the fingers. You can't see it from the outside, you don't want to show it. The kind of sorrow you know stays with you, it's not disposable nor would it get better. It has already gotten better from when it rooted in me. It's already the best I can feel. It's permanent and buried. Deep.

Apart from not seeing Sheldon 15 days straight when I went to Europe last year, now's probably 2nd on the list - 5 days. Timetables can never clash worse than this, his work, my driving lessons yadayada.................. I miss him a lot. I think we're glue.

Is it me or is everyone going through a rough patch lately?

We dance inside this tragedy

2009-10-24T16:18:00.008+08:00

Random pictures from the last of my carefree days during the hols, out and about around the usual places with the usual people. Half priced cheesecakes at Cartel is like, (^^)Y ichibang!

To think I thought I've been blogging at the usual frequency for the week, but I didn't realise I haven't touched this place ever since school started, okay it didn't really start for me did it....... It occupied me pretty much somehow, my timetable's really a waste of time, ending at 3/4/5 and only 1 on Tuesday. HOW TO BOOK DRIVING LESSONS AT THE NORMAL RATE YOU TELL ME.. After 6pm slots and weekends charges 11$ more. What the fuck man, I've only completed module 1 while Sheldon's at his last bike prac to TP and I've already spent the same amount as him. Someone pls remind me to book on the 15th next month so I could stop filling cancelled slot and having no choice but to book 69$ slots.... and finally start selecting timings to my own convenience? :(

My dad turned 50 yesterday, we went out for a great great dinner and I brought the camera cos I told my mum we should take more pictures together apart from when we're on holidays. When I wanted to snap I realised I left my SD card in the laptop I'm so fucking smart. Had to settle for the handphone camera, pathetic... I can't stop being careless.

Jermayne's(Sheldon's cousin) birthday was on the same day as well, only that she turned 12. Headed to Downtown East after Photography(WHICH WAS A REALLY GOOD IS MODULE SURPRISINGLY???) for the bbq.

His auntie bought a wig and we...

concluded this would be my perfect hairstyle in the shade of a very sane and normal hair colour. If only I didn't have curly baby hair that looks like pubic hair on my scalp. The pink is so barbieeeeeeeee, Halloween's coming!

Okay I'm gonna jog later I need to lead a healthier lifestyle my muscles are non-existant already. I'm actually home on a Saturday, amazing much?! I'm becoming so family-oriented these days. I just want to stay home. I choose to stay home. Be with my mum. Play with the dogs. Play with the pups.

Oh yes. The pups!!!!!!!!!!!

They did a Flashforward, dog version.
Probably dreaming about their new owners and have new dog collars and new leashes and a new home, all happening 6months later.

That's how they take their afternoon naps!

This is my desktop background everytime I look at it I can't help but smile!!

ARE YOU MELTING ALREADY?!?! I told myself I shouldn't be attached to them since they wouldn't be mine anyway.... But I. Can't. Help. It. They. Are. So. Fucking. Adorable. Even though they like pee everywhere and pull plants out of the basement's balcony and place them in their dishbowl as if it's some treasure they found..... Still love them. They're gonna be collected by the end of next week, I can tell my mum's trying to delay the whole collection thingum cos she can't bear to see them go.... sigh.

This teeny weeny's the only one left unsold. He's the cutest.

I don't know why no one wants him.

In less than 48 hours' time..

2009-10-18T02:19:00.003+08:00

I'll be back at the campus in Clementi.
I'll be waking up at 6-fucking-am.
I'll be so away from my comfiest bed.
I'll be stuck in a class with Peishi as the only comforting face.
I'll be facing a screwed up timetable.
I'll be having problems meeting Sheldon after school, taking in hand that his timetable is literally unbeliveably slackish. That would also mean he'll have more days working at CK Jeans when he can, for his Vespa.

Vespa. Omg, if Sheldon really gets a Vespa. I cannot wear skirts anymore. That is if he gets one. Which probably would happen because he's the sort of person that makes everything he wants happen for him.

My mum was just told me that my new maid's 18 years old. I was like WTF and it made me feel like a spoilt brat wasting my life away with no life achievements(yet, hopefully) while another 18 year old's so far away from home, living with strangers under the same roof.. all for the sake of her family. Pretty brave, and amazing. Now it makes things so hard for us to make things hard for her.. which was something we didn't do with the previous maid who eventually took things for granted.

Got to wake up tomorrow morning for porridge breakfast with my folks wlao I can't believe I promised them.

Happy couples grow fat

2009-10-17T01:13:00.004+08:00

When everyone told me I have tons of shoes I was never convinced until I packed up the entire family's shoe collection today, only to realise I have more than... 40 pairs. I even forgot about some of the pairs that I bought sometime back - all shoved into the shoe cupboard rather untidily, instead of being visible to me on the rack. What the fuck.

At least I'm left with 20 pairs now. Not that bad right..............

Anyway it was really funny when we turned 20th on Tuesday night.
(on the phone)
Sheldon: Happy 17th month!
Me: Uh. You sure it's 17th? (it just didn't sound right then)
Sheldon: Yeah? Wlao you don't even know ah?
Me: Okay lor... (and our convo continued briefly for awhile)

And I realised it was wrong 3 minutes after we hung up when I counted by fingers I called him back..
Me: IT'S 18 MONTHS LAH I JUST COUNTED OMG YOU LOUSY BOYFRIEND.

Then he bo wei gong.

In the end we both realised we were wrong when we counted again on Wednesday cheeeebye hahahhahahha I think we both suck or maybe time isn't the issue for us anymore. Good, right? Since I'm always the one with the whole time issue between the both of us...

And yesh it's true that we've been growing fatter, the pinching stomach habit has now became a very sensitive issue. Can tell when the person who gets pinched wants to breathe in first before getting pinched. HAHHAH.

We've been growing fatter unknowingly these entire hols, on the contrary my appetite's been going down - I feel horrible and pukish after eating only one meal a day so fucking not worth it for buffet. So all in all idk why my tummy's spare tyring. This is so sad!

When I told him I may be going jogging tomorrow night since he has training, all he could say was..

'Okay. I'm so happy for you.'

OMG WHAT KIND OF REPLY IS THAT???

Anyway some other photos dating way earlier:

A happy Shearen just after she was done with prelims. This was way before my grandpa's passing.. Just didn't get around to posting them and I only got them posted on Fb a few days back.

You see Imee wearing that top, and you see Rachel wearing that top in the post below... And you see me wearing that top, here. EVERYONE WEARS MY CLOTHES!!!! But looks nice on everyone hor.

My DKE 58mm colour filters arrived awhile back. I was really excited to get it but when I finally saw it sitting on my study table in a parcel box I wasn't as excited as I thought I would be. Why.

We overlapped like 3 filters and this was the result:

...Fail.

Haven't been seeing my best friend very often lately, think she's currently czech-mate.

Only 18 and we rule the world

2009-10-13T11:58:00.003+08:00

Last weekend at Sentosa with the girls for Shearen's very belated birthday celebration. Had a room at Siloso Beach Resort, but I think we spent more time trying to cut the queue to get into Powerhouse than the time we've spent in the hotel room. Nyaha.

Some of them tanned for the afternoon, I didn't wanna go uh cos I was bleeding(you get it right). Joined them at night.

AND AS I WAS BLEEDING....

Couldn't swim lor. So Weiru Fong and I had to watch them swim while we mixed drinks and ate some chocolate coated cereal thingy Shearen always brings from home.

You notice Rachel was wearing green in the first pic and blue in the third? SHE WORE HER TANK INTO THE POOL AND WE ALL DIDN'T REALISE ONLY AFTER AWHILE. LOL.

Wanfong has the same look the apple on her shirt has.

HAHHHA FUCK.

Tell me why am I the only one with the red face?

Headed back and,

Shearen wasn't so childish or I think she couldn't fit into the tub so we left the both of them to bubble bath with the thingum we bought from Daiso earlier on. All those kinky couples can watch each other showering naked from the room HAHHA.

Had a round of Target, had to end every sentence we said with 'Happybdayshearenheehee'. Wah cb.

The moment we put it on for her, she went 'THIS IS NOT GOING ON FACEBOOK.'
Idk what I was laughing at I don't rmb but it's probably Shearen.

Speaking of which I'm so lazy to tag, tag yourself ok ^^

That was Shearen' birthday cake :(

So sad lah I wanted to get her a present so badly I WENT SHOPPING AT ION ALONE MYSELF the day before, trying to find that Topshop dress she wanted but it was totally OOS already.

It seems like FSV students are way more tight up in schedule as compared to us business people.. Everytime Wf and Weiru has to MIA ffffff-fuck cos they have this and that and that and this the next day and everything has to do with film and everytime cannot stay. :(

After they went, we went to Azzura for drinks.(thinking it'll be good.)

Sucked, so we decided to head back to the resort, drink up what's left of the Absolut Mango and headed to Powerhouse in flip flops. Totally unplanned for?!??!

Probably never going back there again cos,
1) It was way too crowded like zouk flea crowd x 7
2) In case anyone remembered us wearing flip flops there
3) The bouncer probably hate us by now since we acted drunk to cut the queue ha ha ha ha.

No pictures cos.... no camera. But it was great even though we headed Movida(pinoy hangout) after awhile when the crowd was still, whoa.

Thanks for the whole accomodation Shearen, for the record you're one of the laziest friend ever but yet you're so smart it's almost scary that you're actually a very, very sane JC kid - to even want to party with us when As are so near for you. Love you every other day, in case you don't know it!

I don't think my mum's coping well these days but I don't know what to say to make her feel better, guess it doesn't help that she's been so preoccupied with household chores since the new maid hasn't came yet. She still feels like my grandfather's still alive when she received a sms reminder from the hospital yesterday to bring my grandfather for that checkup he was suppose to have after his operation - the operation that failed. My heart wrenches when I see her eyes welling up with tears.

Feeel so, fucking helpless.

Everything's dying

2009-10-10T01:41:00.005+08:00

Literally.

My laptop, my appetite, my life when there was a maid, my social life, my dependence on the Internet... my Farmville. Okay not like I give a fuck about Farmville anymore.

And, yeah I know my grandfather died already.

I've been so busy these days with all the funeral procedures, he was cremated at Mandai on Wednesday and that was the first time in my life I've seen my mum cried so hard. In fact, she had always been a fighter and never have I ever seen her shed a tear my entire life.

I had my last cry last night on the phone with Sheldon. I'm telling myself that I should be over it now, pretty hard when I clearly knew I didn't spend enough time with him when I could. Yes, regrets. I realised that I even knew my grandfather better after he passed away compared to when he was alive when everyone had stories to share through the nights of the wake.

His funeral wake was, uh way too glamourous. Not the right word, but you get the drift. He was a gangster in his younger days so there were many gangs that came to the wake. All the ahpeks with angkong all over... Scary hor. It was exactly like in those Taiwan drama shit, they all gather in front of him to bow 3 times in a group as a form of respect. We didn't have enough space under just one block, so we called in for more tables and chairs to be put up at the opposite block to house those people and things got pretty out of control, it was no different from a gambling den.

Everyone he knew, or once knew, including the neighbour whose cat got thrown off from the 12th floor by him came. People that he beat up before in his younger days held no resentment. There was this mediacorp actor that came to sing for him on the last day as well. Wtf, my ahgong big shot - I never knew.

My friends that came, thank you.
You had no idea how much it meant.

I asked my mum if it was appropriate for the camera to be brought while we had our last walk around Sims Drive area. I thought it shoud be something shot and kept in an album.. Something we show to our children when we all grow up. But she told me no, she said it's something we should all keep close to our hearts and to ourselves. Not something we want others to know and feel the same way.

It probably hurts a lot to me than I previously thought it would bcos it's my first loss. I'd always thought I'll have my grandparents all my life, it never really occurred to me that they'll go and really go for good? Should have spent more time with them while he was still alive.

I know this page is like a mopping story altogether, all words of self-indulging pity no pictures no nothing. Sadly, my ASUS crashed. Data hasn't been backed up. Hopefully my data could be retrieved before I bring it to the service center. It starts up when it feels like it and gives me a blank screen almost 80% of the time. Tough luck.

Problematic maid that, lied about her relatives dying in the Marriot bombing awhile back and got my mum into a car accident, was sent home today. Good and bad; good because her sending home was delayed way too long when my parents were preoccupied with my grandfather's hospitalisation.. bad bcos I need to stay home more to help out with the house chores. My house, 3 storeys and a basement. Fml.

And yes I do have a lot of overdued pictures to upload but.. another time.
Still feeling very fucked up with my bloated stomach from only 1 and a half meals today.

Idea, unsinkable

2009-10-05T02:13:00.002+08:00

His body was cold when I reached the hospital by 10.
Pulse, dead.

He just looked like he was only going to sleep forever and never wake up.

Kiss me and it'll heal, but it won't forget

2009-10-01T01:11:00.007+08:00

I thought my freedom would have been infinite ever since I got the whole house to myself when both my folks are now away in Europe since Saturday.. I guess the tables turned and I've been taking the responsibility of everything that my mum had when she was still in SG.

My grandfather's has been at SGH for the past two weeks after since his operation to clear his cancer cells in the lungs. He was infected at the lungs after the operation, we thought it would have been a minor issue when he started picking up three days after the surgery was done. Now, his heart rate is at a count of 140, he can't even respond verbally when I talk to him, he's depending 70% on the oxygen machine for his breath - only 30% on his own.

The doctor told us on Tuesday to be prepared for whatever that might come. He put us on special request for anyone to be able to visit him despite being posted in the ICU, despite the H1N1 precaution where they only limited 2 visitors per patient. We were even able to visit him anytime when visiting hours were restricted from 12-2, 5.30-8.

He told us we were heading the wrong direction with his condition slipping and slipping. He didn't want us to be hopeful in how he's been rejecting every single antibiotic so far to clear the phlegm in his lungs.

It's times like these I wished I had a god to pray to, to believe in and have faith hoping that everything would be fine. I hate the sight to see my grandmother crying and being worried everyday, always chanting prayers by his bedside while she's dressed in a surgeon gown and plastic gloves within the glass room. We can't even feel him skin to skin when we hold his swollen hands for comfort.

The difficult part about this whole thing is always breaking the news to my parents everyday through overseas calls on how he's been, how weak he has become and how he's been asking for my mum, only mouthing her name without the strength for a voice to speak. Every other time when I told my mum about his condition, I could feel her tears trinkling down as well, with her voice quivering. I know how she's caught in the middle on being with my dad on this business/holiday trip, something they've been planning since 3 months ago to be travelling from Turkey to Italy, and then to France and Morocco, and wanting to be by my grandfather's side for she'd always been the most important and capable child to handle everything, even being the best person to console my grandmother.

I've been doing my best to accompany my grandmother everyday to the hospital, reassuring her even though we have a communication breakdown with my broken Hokkien and only basic Mandarin. I've been trying to take over tasks my mum had been doing when she was around, sending my grandmother to the hospital but the best I could do is to hail a cab because she's quite weak for public transport. I'm reassuring her when I can't even reassure myself that everything would be okay, when I've always been controlling tears when I'm with her or my other relatives. It's a chain reaction of breakdowns; when one of us starts to cry at the waiting room, everyone else would start as well.

The only person I could really put everything out to is when I'm with Sheldon, and time for us has been precious when half my day is taken up at the hospital and the other half is left for me to put up a front to try to forget about it and make the best out of everything that he puts me in comfort with.

I was never aware I would have been so affected by how I would probably lose my grandfather to death. Maybe because I had never lost a close kin in life, and would never be ready to. Everything else suddenly seemed secondary to me, everything else I thought I would care about the most suddenly lost its meaning altogether. All that I want now is to see him being discharged, and everything else wouldn't matter. He has fought through so much since 5 years ago..

Hopefully my mum could get tickets back home earlier as she planned to, even though I told her not there was no need to be jumping on the next available flight possible.

I need her here as well to tell me things will be okay.

Sense me

2009-09-25T02:19:00.004+08:00

I'm just hoping my day tomorrow would go according to plan.

I hate it when I ruin my plans when I can't get up on time when the alarm clock rings and when I don't hear it because I'm way too deep into my sleep and when I wake up feeling fucked that I just lost another day of productivity.

Normally, it'll be Sheldon that makes sure I wake up on time, tomorrow he'll only be home at 8am since his F1 work thingum is on a night shift.... so sigh. It's times like these do I actually realise my dependence. Scary? Yeah, I should stop being such a baby.

My first driving lesson tomorrow, I'm actually quite excited I don't even know what to expect. The only thing my mum told me was not to wear shorts, like how I always do every other time when I'm heading out, for lessons later the hansump instructors tempted to touch.

Talk about being paranoid.

Life, sucks

2009-09-24T00:39:00.002+08:00

I am so despressed omg why did my fucking com HANG when we were fucking choosing our timetables for next fucking miserable semester!??!?!?!?!

Now Peipei and I stranded in 01 and Gp and Cheryl's in 03 like WTF CHEEBYE KNN.

I think I totally jinxed it when like 4 minutes before self-timetabling slot was open...

(ON MSN)
Peishi: Eh I go toilet
Abby: Wtf my npal can't load
Peishi: RELAX SUA, 03 timetable so cb who will want
Abby: Later no space after you go toilet still see if you talk so much

GUESS WHAT, 1235.. When I finally got to the site, NO FUCKING SPACE ANY-FUCKIN-MORE.
It's the second time this has happened and I fucking hate my ASUS now.

Growing older

2009-09-23T02:44:00.008+08:00

I hate trying to piece captions between images, bcos Blogger's so inefficient they don't have this preview button thingy(UNLIKE LIVEJOURNAL, which I've been so used to for the past years) and I tend to screw all the html up with all the very similar image links.

Wilberg's party happened last Sunday at Bayshore, shoik right just down the road from my place. We walked over with a birthday card we rushed within an hour and a half and was greeted with like, a what-seemed-like-more-than-100-people-crowd in the function room. WTF?!??! I knew Wilberg was sociable but he probably summed down to the closest friends to invite so I'm guessing... he has 100 over close friends loh. It was seriously a fucking big crowd. I thought my 18th birhday this year was bad enough.

Sheldon was camera man that night. Naiyu and him were so gay to both wear striped shirts, berms and both of them even wore SPERRYS as well for footwear HAHHA fuck AND THEY BOTH HAD CANON EOS CAMERAS SLINGED.

Spent half the time there feeling awkward since we(or at least, me?) hardly knew half the people there and hardly saw Wilberg bcos he was so busy trying to be an all-rounded host. But we had a cosy corner at the side of the hall just talking and talking and talking.

There's always this idea of how everyone should come over to my place and we cook homemade dinner and just chill.... Let that surface soooon my folks are going to Europe without me on the 28th so I'm having the whole of the house by myself.

I'm finally going down to CDC tomorrow while Sheldon has his bike prac, to register for lessons and FTT. Not like my dad would get me a car but I guess it doesn't hurt to hurry up and get done with it. Okay he actually said he would get me a VW Golf GTI some time ago but please lah, he told me he would get me a dog ever since I was P3 if I got into EM1(which I did??!!) and a dog never came until last year when Rex and Jayjay were given to us by Auntie Ruth.

SO CONCLUSION IS, not to get my hopes too high?

Because if I do............... this car is almost perfect, it'll be too much of a disappointment to take.

I've learnt to be random

2009-09-21T03:44:00.005+08:00

Red bull shirts. Lian? No eh I like it like that. Shahirah got this shirt for both Sheldon and I and conveniently got one for herself cos.. (i quote)'it was so fucking fucking cheap(with her enlarged eyes).'

I made it up to her by treating her to Dimsum at LaoBeijing, we had a XLB overdose there dimsum buffet could never get better at 13 bucks??!?! I'm pretty sick of XLBs already but the price never fails to tempt me.

Chinatown at night. I think Sheldon has a touch for photography when he hardly knows anything about the functions but why his pictures always nicer than mine?!

Taken when he sent me there for Play the other time(look at prev. entry), he headed home cos he decided that heading to lesbian club is fucking awkward for him. HAHHA.

Updating Denudde soon. Priority: clear my bags.

My bedside. Australian Bush aroma oil's burning.

Random days at my place, where he'll surf youtube for Star Avenue and start singing really horribly to the vids. Wah, daylight torture.

That's my checkered shirt he's wearing. When we headed for dinner with his cousins and aunties and uncles and all at Downtown East, they all pointed out how gay the shirt was because there were bust line cuttings HAHHAHHAHA LOL fuck we both didn't realise that when he tried it on at my place.

Chipped nails. (Why does chipped look so wrong here? I actually googled to check my English.) Sturdy $1 ring bought some time ago. Weiru. At Subway Central. After disappointing flea.

TOLD YOU IT WOULD BE DISAPPOINTING BUT WTF I STILL WENT ANYWAY. Talk about being a hard block that's full of determination. I had to add the adjective 'sturdy' for that ring I had on that day, because the only thing I got from the flea was this other swallow metal-made ring that's $3 and wtf it broke in less than half an hour after it was worn.

Cheebye..

I tried uploading pictures from Wilberg's 21st birthday today but FB won't let me. Is everyone facing this problem as well or is it just my fucked up ASUS doing this to me?

Socially drained

2009-09-19T13:11:00.001+08:00

I know I haven't been updating and pictures are overloading.. Thank God Weiru asked to meet later today. I woke up at 1130 when we were suppose to be meeting at 12 teeheehee and I don't know if I should be looking forward to going to the flea later or not. It's been some time since I went to one so I hope this one wouldn't be blogshop infested and lj kids infested.

If you don't know by now, I hate crowds.

There's been a uploading spree going on for my Facebook page. I'm so lazy to host pictures at Photobucket now, I'm actually taking the raw links on facebook to post them up on Blogger. Nyahaha if Facebook ever dies one day it's the end of the world for me for my photo collections.

-------------------------

Last friday, met the poly people. Headed to Town, then Cityhall for IT Fair, then Makansutra where PUIH-RIS(pris, haha) joined us.

By the way. Slappable face much?

Cheryl makes herself look so cheeks-pinchable in the 2nd last picture. Cheer up little sister I love you :)

Can you believe it's the first time we'd ever all gone out together?!?! Like on a personal initiation and not someone's birthday yada yada. Weird because we talk so much in school, share so much with each other.. School would probably never be the same without them. Same class next sem hell yess ^^

(Results were out ytd, I know I pretty much don't expect anything out of it sorry if I'm stupid/dumb/retarded to not score even if I'm in poly but THANK GOD I passed everything. Again as I've said, I know I have no high-end aims.)

-------------------------

Saturday(Or was it Sunday? Okay it should be Sat)..

You could probably fit seven roaches in my mouth and there'll still be space

SK and Win for dinner at Lagoon, then dessert at Siglap for the after 9pm half-priced cheesecakes. Cafe Cartel is only lovable after nine pm.

I've noticed I'd never taken pictures of them or with them before, but they both are probably people that mean a whole lot to me. I thanked SK via sms the first thing when I received my results cos he was the one that accompanied me day and night and night and day at Expo choinging.. He was like my walking study guide.

And Winston, primary school friend but we only got close after primary school. Made no sense, but yeah. Gonna be seeing them soon again.

-------------------------

Play on Thursday night!

Jackee and I look like sisters no? We dressed so similar on coincidence. She actually thought I was someone very 'cool' when she read my blog HAHHAHHA SO JACKEE YOU STILL THINK I'M COOL ANOT?!

Went to Maxwell Food Centre to eat after the music ended.
And then I changed three buses home from Chinatown at 6 in the morning.

Power.

-------------------------

Spent Monday Tuesday and Wednesday that was in-between with my extremely annoying boyfriend basically just hanging out at each other's crib. Been procrastinating to sign up for my driving lessons, get pictures taken, get room cleared.. Zero done. I'm really a failure at life, like what my mum blurted out that day when we fought.

Anyway.

Here's the new phone. Sheldon's brother has the same phone as me now cos M1 customers could redeeem this with their points for $0 dollars. HAHA.

Okay off to shower!

Battlefield, everyday

2009-09-16T23:28:00.003+08:00

Battle against my sleeping disorder.
Battle against the fucked up comments I get from my parents.
Battle against my own moodswings.

I quarrelled with my father at the car porch yesterday only because I came home at 1, and for fuck's sake I wasn't at some god forsaken place like at a club or at Geylang or whatsoever I was at my fucking BEST FRIEND'S HOUSE and you have to fucking throw your stupid motherfucking temper. You don't want to fetch me, fine I wanted to stay over because I could save on cab fare. Why could I have done that twice during my exam period and not anytime now when my exams are fucking over? You know why, because you are fucked up and you are always in your own fucking little perfect world where no one else can be right except you. I wished you could crawl out of your dark hole and see more of how other teens my age could bring you even more problems as compared to your daughter that doesn't ever club unless on occasions, doesn't smoke, isn't irresponsible, isn't a whore that sleeps around.

Go fuck yourself and after you're done, go fuck yourself again and again until you realise what a pussy you are for always using fingers to point and threatening glares to slap.

Day out with a girls' night out

2009-09-13T02:34:00.010+08:00

Tanjong Beach with Imee happened on Wednesday afternoon. We were totally geared with tanning oil, snacks, a beach towel, toiletries(oh wait but Imee screwed up here she brought conditioner instead of shampoo so we didn't have shampoo) and everything you would need for a cheap Sentosa getaway.

But fuck it we got no fucking tan at all.
WHAT THE FUCK.

Sheldon and his homies happened to be having an outing on Sentosa that very day as well but they were at Siloso. When we both met him at Vivo after that he was fucking burnt then why the fuck aren't we burnt after two hours of tannning!!?!?!

No tan, that's fine. But we got to witness a guy dropping his towel by accident(i think it was) and exposed his thong on his very tight ass. I think he was too embarrassed to take the same tram as us back to the beach station so he made a detour but we were so amused we couldn't take our eyes off him as he walked away HAHAAHHAHA I think we're bastards wanna make people more paiseh only. But gross shit his thong was those you know, thin like thread kinda thong? The image of that is flashing through my mind now as I'm typing this cb it's haunting me......

Hopefully he doesn't google to my blog with keywords 'sentosa guy flash thong'.

We spent the rest of the day together after Sentosa, linner/dunch at Old Airport Road then we headed back to her place to nap before Weiru came over at 9ish and.....

(THIS PICTURE IS A HAHAHAHHA)

We had Ladies' Night!!!! Amazing how we've been the closest ever friends for the longest time but we'd never gone to the club together. Well, let's not count that other time where Imee and I went for Cruise together and we danced to Bollywood music at the only loser pub they had on the ship. Trauma man.

(I know this post is pretty much an image vomit. I still have more to post on other occasions but I'll leave that to another time.)

You could see us getting high in the process, pictures are in chronological order. Price joined us when we were at Rebel and her eyes were already fucking swollen and she was already wasted. You can tell.

I spent 13 bucks for that night. Because we took the first bus 36 back to Imee's along Orchard when we left Living Room HAHHAHAHHHA.

I had the best night out with you girls, if only the JC kids could join us as well it'll totally be triple the fun. Be done with As and we'll have the biggest party together ever! I really miss Shearen and Nicole.

On a sidenote, I know I've said this many times to alot of people but I think all JC kids that gives a shit about As are warriors. The thought of As to me and how I've heard about it is already scary enough and I don't know how you all could actually literally do it or even face it. It's weird how I'm blowing the heads up of those JC kids here, when it's pretty much the open secret on how majority of the JC people tend to look down on Poly kids.

Truth is.

You are in a school when you're in JC. You are in a campus when you're in poly and with this said, it can never be compared so fuck all those JC kids that think that Poly's always the easy way out!!! It isn't the case for most of us and you won't know it until you drop out of your little college hole and take the 'easy way out' at Poly and yes you may think it's easy but you will be so fucking wrong; cos it isn't easy at all doing one project after another and catching up on lectures you've missed because no one spoon-feeds and having to deal with bitchy people that you wished you could fuck-slap and having to have this whole own time own target studying method when no one pushes you and uh.... having to decide what to wear everyday.

Maybe the latter is totally redundant but, you get the point.

Anyway, MY POINT IS!!!
All my JC people I am your #1 fan ^^v

Botanic Gardens dream comes true

2009-09-09T01:09:00.005+08:00

Monday.

We took forever to leave my place. Finally made a trip to Botanic Gardens(FINALLY?!) though it was early evening by the time we got there, good enough for us because we all hate the sun.

Pretty much the contradiction cos I'm going tanning with Mee tomorrow.

We packed wholemeal sandwiches into mooncake tins LOL it looked hilarious but the sandwiches were great though they looked squished up by the time we opened them for dinner under a sheltered area in the garden. We didn't feel pathetic it was actually fun drinking 1$ NoFrills apple juice and feeding Sheldon cos he couldn't get his hands dirty since he was holding the cam. There was a lot of scenery pictures but it probably wouldn't interest anyone. Didn't take many 'us' pictures we just enjoyed ourselves walking around and looking at pretty dogs walked by rich-looking angmohs. Wlao, Botanic Gardens to them is like... their east coast park for us.

Don't look at my zit, I went for facial today already.
Okay I just touched my cheek it's still there.

Headed for some shopping after that. Damage? I'm left with a dollar or so in my account balance after I decided to get the leather backpack from Uniqlo. Now I regret merrrrrrr. :(

(this pic is like deja vu, telling me not to get the bag with that stupid face of mine)

That guy in red tiao-ed us cos he thought we wanted to take a picture of him, PLS LAH YOU VERY HANDSOME MEH!!!!

You know, if you have bananas at home you should really try slicing them up and put them between your sandwich along with sugar and butter. Sheldon made two banana sandwiches along with some hams and some tunas and some kaya and the banana one won me hands down.

The kitchen never ever lack bananas so I could do that all the time from now on. Because bananas are Jayjay's(my female dog's) fav so my mum never fails to buy them everytime she does her grocery shopping. She knows I love strawberries and chocs but there's never any of that in the fridge.

Anything that my dogs love to eat, my mum buys it.
Anything I love to eat leh?

Don't have.

Seems like she love the dogs more than she loves her own daughter.

Productivity

2009-09-05T18:46:00.004+08:00

How about having productivity level at its lowest and the worst had already happened for my hols, and that is I screwed up my bodyclock already so all I see is night. Night. Night.

Got through last night with Simran and Price over at Eastwood, caught movies The Ugly Truth and Ghosts of Girlfriends' Past(shows that Sheldon would rather die than watch with me) while I was whining about my bloated stomach and my spiltting headache and.... how I felt like vomitting but I thought it was gross to force vomit and everytime I burped my breath smelled of vomit plus Red Bull. WHOEVER TOLD ME RED BULL WOULD MAKE ME FEEL BETTER!??! I think Price made me drink it cos she wanted me to stay up through the night.

Poor her left her phone at Swee Choon, the dim sum place we had dinner at last night - I had to be her direct translator with the Chinese guy at the restaurant.

I'm spending my Saturday indoors, because I need to get down to pimping up the room. I'm halfway through with my bathroom cleared, desk half-cleared.. And uh, under-desk totally not cleared. Mother and I are gonna get furniture for the very under-utilised balcony tomorrow since my dad's always a fusspot and he's overseas now it's gonna make things much easier.

And Cheryl Lee Kah Yee confirm with me when you're coming over to my place next week so I could tell that stupid Gekpeng and we could force that Peishi to come over too.. Which I think she wouldn't since we pangseh-ed her for Play.

My account balance is dry by the way. I hate how I love food.

Virgin Manicure?

2009-09-04T04:38:00.007+08:00

Sometimes I'd wished I was more of a girl than a guy, like all I could do with was a 50:50 ratio... But at the rate I see myself going, it's a-probably 30:70, okay lah not that bad I'm still very vain when I don't seem to care so make that 40:60.

Check out how my nails chipped already, in less than 4 hours from my ever first mani/pedicure. FIRST EVER, BELIEVE THAT?

In fact I screwed it the moment I tried wearing my really-difficult-to-put-on lace-up sandals after I thought my nails on the hands were dry. My thumb and index on the right smudged and she had to touch up immediately I think she was pissed we were both so troublesome since Price made noise to want to pee and she still had another customer pending a mani after us.

The manicurist was going on about how she'd never seen such small toenails before, I can officially conclude that my toenails doesn't just look retarded from my own perspective but from many others as well. Idk I seem to have a compulsive disorder on cutting my nails whenever it grows just a tad bit longer, I was a pianist(failed one) after all and I was akin to the habit ever since I was small.

Waste my 15$!!! I shall go back to touch up.

Maybe I should stick with painting my nails myself since like what Sheldon said, I'm so chor lor they wouldn't last for long anyway. And my nails so short, like less surface area so it isn't so worth it. Mer.

Had a great day out with the best friend today in fact. I've been seeing so much of her lately I'm really getting sick. We headed to Little India and getting to meet up with her when we both reached was already a big problem cos she left her phone at home.

We ended up with Bak Kut Teh and Black Chicken Fungus Soup when the dim sum place was closed. (Probably heading there tomorrow!!!!!! Or should I say later) Hair was in a mess, top was wet with sweat but we didn't care cos we, okay me, NEEDED FOOD BADLY I WAS FUCKING HUNGRY COULDN'T STOP WHINING.

We headed to Thieves' Market after the meal. I'll definitely go back there again but maybe I'll wear a tudong over my head because the hansumps there are fucking desperate.

They master their hansump ways in 3 steps.
1. Stand in front of target
2. Wait for you to walk pass you
3. Stare down target's top in hope of a fufilling chest

Gross much? Yeah pretty much.
Best part was I was wearing a inner bandeau tube bra so those itchy dicks probably felt disappointed when they tried catching a glimpse. Awww.

We could of have digged for even more good buys but all we needed would have been gloves. I bought a polaroid joycam, nyahhahhaha now I need to get films - which would probably cost way more than the camera itself.

FEP for the nails, which I..... yeah.
For consolation at least I don't have mud coloured toenails like Price's HAHHAHHA.

Sheldon came to meet us at Town just to wait for us to be done, then we headed to Bugis for dinner. Steamboat again. Wanted Teh Tarik at Arab after that and idk how we ended up walking all the way to Kallang Mrt.

I still don't understand why I can't have nice hair.

White Bags

2009-09-02T18:52:00.001+08:00

My holidays officially started on Sunday night after the 3-days work I had at the NATA Travel Fair was over.

So impromptu to work I was like out with Cheryl after the papers and suddenly Sheldon called and asked me if I wanted to work cos they were short-handed pfffft and lucky we were at Bugis so I could find a cheap white top(or so I thought I would buy a cheap top) since it was the dress code for the day for the ticketing booth people; but I ended up getting a basic at Topshop for 23BUCKS(?!?!) and the ?!??! because I know I'll never ever wear that top again anyway since I have like, two other similar white tops like that as well. So sad, burn 20 bucks for a 200bucks salary.

Sunday night at Tatming's place for an overnight BBQ, girls had girls' talk and talking about common friends and how the world's so small. Guys had bike talks and sex talks and a lot of other annoying talks. Irritating siah. I was so tired by 5 in the morning from the lack of sleep since the exam period and the 3 days of work. Could have died but I made it up by sleeping so much for the past two days, I think I have white bags instead of black eyebags now.

Sheldon came over to my place to sleep till like afternooon and he went for his bike prac at night, I went to....

COLLECT MY STEVE MADDENS AND NINA DOLLS SHOES FROM NACHI AT TOWN WAH CB STEAM I AM SO HAPPY IT FITS LIKE IT'S MADE FOR ME.

Okay, except the Shynee Lace-up Shoes so sad. Maybe I'll stuff tissue to fill the empty spaces up or something. I'm such a show-off I've showed it off to like 4 people or should I say, anyone that came to my crib since I got it and I keep strutting it around in my room in my PJs/FBTs/lepak clothes but I haven't gotten an outfit to go with them. I WANT TO WEAR ONE OF THE PAIR TOMORROW.

Imee was waiting for me at the Upper East Coast bus stop by the time I travelled back from Town myself and had another night together at my place. Weiru bought McD breakfast for us the next morning and it was youtube-ing for awhile before Weiru and I headed out to meet Hinfan and all the rest... Supposedly to get something but we ended up making pit stops to eat at different places all over Cityhall. -.-

(okay this post is fucking wordy if you can't take it by now stop reading because it'll continue to be all words below so...)

SO CATCH DISTRICT 9 IT'S SO FUCKIN DEPRESSING, Price and Sheldon caught it with me last night and Price and I were going on the whole night about how depressing the show was when the whole world leaves you behind just because you have a prawn hand and you're half-alien when she slept over at my place. We were suppose to pack my room, take pictures for Denudde.. but everything failed. We ended up doing night repair with the new loots we got from Daiso earlier in the day, watching tv, and surfing facebook. Theehbye I'm meeting her later again to go Ikea. Hopefully that surfaces at least.

I KNOW IT'S FUCKIN WORDY BUT I NEED TO TELL EVERYONE HOW GREAT I'VE BEEN FEEELING SINCE THE EXAMS COS EXAMS CAN JUST.. SUCK MY uh, I wanted to say cock but doesn't sound right?

Okay will snap pictures soon.
Bye.

2009-08-28T01:37:00.011+08:00

"How does wearing your old shirt to sleep gets me closer to you; the whimpers in the night to your ears through the nothingness of my heart? How do I still inflict on this, when numbness is what takes over, for I feel nothing when the blade slits the skin, nothing when the tears fall in fear?"

3 boys and a girl!!!!!!!

2009-08-27T19:55:00.004+08:00

(daddy couldn't stop checking his kids out, we had to lock him out)

WE'VE BEEN FUCKING ANTICIPATING JAYJAY TO DELIVER SINCE THE 17TH AND SHE'S 10 DAYS LATE. My dad rushed back from work, my mum rushed back when she was out, and my mum came out again to fetch me from Cheryl's place and it pretty much interrupted my FRP 'crashcourse'(more like chitchat session hor Smurf), but by the time I reached home it was only the fourth one left to be delivered.

Better than nothing I guess, the delivery's gruesomely adorable and it went exactly the same as the previous time.. Full of blood. Cute pups. And the second one being the bridge once again. Only that there's one more than the previous litter, and how there's three guys and a girl - the other time it was a trio of females.

She's currently milking the four of them right now at the basement; Rex was so persistent on going down to check his kids out that he knocked the plastic container barrier over and it toppled and made a loud thud sound and got scared and ran back up again. Don't know who's the pussy siah really.

It's a very love/hate day, because you'll be seeing me at FP tutorials again next sem and that's a sure thing. I left early after filling in the empty spaces on the answer sheet to make it look better.

My answers were empty, and substance-less.
I'm really burnt out from trying to finish everything of three modules only the day before.

There's only FRP left for now, glad?
Yeah I'm very glad.

But when it ends, what was I looking forward to again?
I realised that I don't know anymore.

Exams, you knnbccb

2009-08-24T23:21:00.003+08:00

Breather needed. I'm so stressed I've been having weird dreams lately.

I dreamt that I kidnapped everyone at a Uniqlo Store with three other bandits and we were suppose to go to Serangoon Gardens for our hideout. Along the way one of us was a traitor and killed another one of us and so I decided to kill her(yeah it's all 4 girly bandits) and that's left with the two of us. While we wasted our time clearing up the evidence at the killing scene like a whole police force caught up on us and the lady detective happened to be like... Sheldon's friend's gf. HAHAHHA LIKE WTF. Apparently this person is away at Beijing now and in the dream I was like, 'EH I THOUGHT YOU'RE AWAY AT BEIJING??' and she was like 'I LIED COS I'M AN UNDERCOVER DETECTIVE.'

LIKE WTF MAN. So anyway how it ended was that I shot her in the legs so she was handicapped and since she was my friend, the other bandit and I carried her all the way to Serangoon Gardens with us.

Our hideout was a hotel rooom.

Not weird meh? LIKE I WAS A TERRORIST??

I dreamt about Jo few days back as well.

Like how I visited her at US, and when she picked me up at the airport she said I looked aunty and halfway through the journey to her place we had to change to a smaller car cos 'the road to my house very narrow and need a narrow-er car'. And then that narrow-er car was parked in some random carpark when we had to change over to it. THERE WERE FUCKING BIRDS BITING ON HER SEATS and I was like 'EH JO GOT BIRDS INSIDE!!' and she told me 'uh it happens all the time' and I WAS WONDERING WHY.

Then suddenly when she opened up the 'car', it wasn't really a car even though there were four wheels. It was like... two bicycles attached adjacent to each other and to move it we both had to pedal at the same time LIKE HAHHAHAHHA WTF MAN.

The ridiculous dream went on for awhile after that but that was the ultimate highlight of it. I woke up laughing like fuck I decided that if the next time I went online and do not see Jo online, I'm gonna email her about it.

TALK ABOUT... DREAMFUL NIGHTS.
Okay dreams aside I guess.

Cos.

I don't know how I'm gonna continue to study 7 more chapters of FMGT but I'm fucking gonna do it.
Cos I thought it was only a 30/40% weightage for tmr's paper, BUT NO REALITY HITS ME AND I REALISED IT'S A DICKING 50%?!?!

LIKE WTF YOU DETERMINE HALF OUR GRADE WITH JUST A FEW STUPID(okay... not really that way of stupid) QUESTIONS?!?!

At least the first two papers went pretty okay, well maybe that's because I spent all my time on FIT and the weekends on AAA, totally leaving the other three papers out.

Maybe the real way to concentrate is to lock my laptop away.

I dropped off the early stop of 24 and went to Sheldon's place instead of Expo because I needed to settle dinner and his mum cooked for me. So I studied in his room, no distractions - because he locked his Mac in the drawer before leaving me in his room for basketball at the CC.

Smart ah.

See I really wished I could do the same for my laptop, but what happens when I have the key to my own locked drawer....

The After-Exams List

2009-08-23T01:42:00.004+08:00

1. Thank all those that helped me with revision for the papers. Because without answer keys to tutorials(I HAVE NONE AT ALL), without clarification, without pressure... I would fucking screw up more. Maybe I'll get them red bulls before the remaining papers or smth...

2. Clear my very messy room and make it my place of Zen. Yeah, zen. Okay that depends on how long I could mantain it neat.

3. And when it's neat, I'll put up all the photographs I'd always wanted to paste all over the walls. I want to get beanbags to put it in front of the telly as well... But seems like Molecule's the only place that has it and Molecule is, overpriced.

4. Picnic. Zoo. Science Centre. And probably the beach for some dipping in the waters and a fufilling tan.

5. Facial. Nabei this should definitely be on top of the list I HAVE PIMPLES ON MY CHEEKS.

6. Replenish the bank balance, for a serious wardrobe renewal. CHIONG EBAY!!! ^^

7. Get a decent phone that has all the buttons working. I'm worse off than an army boy.

8. Quit playing Plants Vs. Zombies (looks at two posts below)

9. Run everyday so Flabby wouldn't be my name anymore.

10. Drink. Alcohol level's not really good so I need little to get wasted. Just have to make sure I have Sheldon around to satisfy my biting fetish when I'm drunk.

11. Think about my future after poly. With a horrible GPA. SMU = gone.

12. Party.

13. Party.

14. Party.

I wanted to come up with a list so I'll feel motivated enough to try harder for the papers - though it's pretty impossible to finish on 2.5 modules of revision untouched within 4 days.

Shahirah Bte Abdul Azhur Price

2009-08-20T22:18:00.005+08:00

(I wished I could find more hilarious pictures but THERE'S TIME CONSTRAINT I HAVEN'T FINISHED STUDYING FOR FUCKIN FIT TMR)

Not too late to wish you HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY!!!

I had close to 2 decades of your:
1. BIMBOTICNESS
2. STRANGOSITY
3. UTTER RUBBISH
4. SPONTANEOUSNESS
5. MORE RUBBISH
6. CRAZY WHACKY IDEAS
7. EVEN MORE RUBBISH

But it's okay I love you all the same for whatever dumb shit you've ever done to me, like.... alot of dumb shit you did to me. There's too many for me to decide from.

Hahha I LOVE YOU LAH.
See you tomorrow, hope you'll have a good one in the night!!
xoxo

Fuck my life?

2009-08-19T01:24:00.001+08:00

Yeah.
I'm addicted again.

So many nights, lets tangle tight

2009-08-15T01:42:00.003+08:00

(hair fugly like always but it's okay we look very happy)

1 year 6 months, this was the biggest lamest excuse for the both of us to be really generous with money. On my part, being really generous with time as well. I felt no guilt being out the whole day... Just to bump into Mas at Ion(HAHHAHA THAT ASSHOLE SPIKED HIS HAIR, why doesn't he ever spike his hair when he's with us?), but like he need to study like that.

Caugt G.I. Joe, then Xin Wang for dinner. And shopping after that. I thought I wouldn't be getting anything at all for the day but when we entered Paragon at 9plus, I blew 50bucks at Miss Selfridge and ProjectShop. Kwaaaaaaa we should have gone later so all the shops would be closed and I wouldn't need to see all those %%%%%%%% signs. It's. Temptation Island.

The night ended on a special enough note, when I've got someone to send me home. LIKE I REALLY FELT LIKE A PRINCESS SKATING ON ICE.

We live really close by but the bus journey takes 30-45mins, so getting sent home is a privilege and not a habit I got used to. Like I've said, I'm #1 low mantainence girlfriend with an added plus factor: extra niam. Maybe shouldn't be so sticky anymore cos we should both learn to be grown-ups and dream big!!!!!!

18 months not long lah hor. It's just that I can't believe I had your corrugated plastic iloveyou sign sitting by my table for more than a year already. It felt like just yesterday.

1 year 6 months reminds me of that Yellowcard song.

Giddy me up

2009-08-13T01:23:00.008+08:00

What I really need tomorrow, is a ride to school in the afternoon and back to the east again for really hardcore studying. I can't believe I'm actually heading to school just to pass the receipts to claim our cost for the NDC stall to Stephen Tham, who still pronouces the name as ahhbeegill when he called me up just now for the reminder. It's like taking a 3-hour ride to and fro, for a 15 minutes errand.

It's fucking dumb.

At the rate my revision's going, I'll probably only be prepared well with 2 chapters out of every module when it's time for the paper. Today I went shopping after two chapters of AAA and got satisfied with a 9$ Topshop buy. When I got back and looked at it again I forgot why I even got it in the first place. I haven't shopped in the longest time, the vibe for this addiction has almost gone dead on me ever since I'd stopped spending when I saved up for the camera.

I used to be able to scrutinise my train of thoughts as quickly as I could spot an item out of the rack, it was like an imaginary checklist that I had going through my mind before the decision to pay at the counter. Shopping to me was like reading the bible every night for a staunch christian.... I was that obsessed that I didn't repeat outfits but now I repeat them like knnbcbb super unforgivable. Good for my account balance though, I've been seeing three digits of late. It's not much, but how about telling you I'd always had one digit account balances back in those days.

I got to do some shopping anyhow because I lack lepak clothes to be comfy in. Tired to dress up everyday already. Abygail Tan is entering a new phase. ._______.

Anyway.

I really got to give it up to Sheldon for the company today at Gloria Jeans. I should of had joined Imee and Weiru at Expo so he could do without 5 bleak hours surfing mindless random things on his Mac, while I was barely surviving accounting across that same table.

After the papers, there's so many things I wanna do. I really want to go to Malaysia to gai gai!!! I don't care who I'm going with or how I'm going there, the bottomline ends on the note of: I just need and want to be there. I haven't been there in what, a decade??! I know I'm damn nooob but I haven't even been to Genting. Wtf I'm an 18-year-old Singaporean and I haven't been to Genting.

Who's gonnna bring wring yring meeeeeeeeeeeeee?

I don't wanna be somewhere and realise this feeling's gone

2009-08-11T23:44:00.006+08:00

Decided to bring the dogs out to Pasir Ris on National Day's afternoon. My mum insisted that Rex should totally learn how to socialise since he thinks he's the biggest alpha dog around all the time, always picking fights with random dogs when they're out for walks. I guess we totally got it wrong when we thought Jayjay would of have been the more sociable one......... She ended being more focused on the bananas my mum brought. T.T (look at her sparkly eyes in picture 6) I know the last picture is damn fail, my dad couldn't figure out how to zoom on the cam. Damn tech savvy man.

I pretty much had a whole family day shit going on for Sunday. Because we headed to Price's place for the usual all the old neighbours gathering... Great food great drinks, and my dad fast asleep on the sofa less than halfway through the night after a few glasses - as usual.

Simran didn't join us cos she was out of town. :( Sjp please meet up soon I miss your rubbish like quite bad?

Monday's afternoon was spent at Sheldon's auntie's crib. They rented the whole clubhouse for the afternooon. Plan was to study, study in games room alone... But yeah lah you know me I couldn't resist, ended up playing a horrible game of pool(I suck badly) with his cousins and spent the rest of the time chatting with Hongping.

She and Jerrome should just get married, they're been dating for 4 and a half years and REALLY JUST GET MARRIED. I GIVE YOU BIG HONGBAO.

Camwhore of the afternooon?
.
.
.
.
.
.

FAT CHEEKS ALERT!!

Once Xuanxuan realised that Jermayne has been snapping pictures of her she just kept posing and giving monkey faces and posing somemore. There's a lot more pictures but I've decided to do a filter. She's damn cute so I guess it balances out on how annoying she can get. HAHHA.

Sheldon just got his helmet "that's matt black and it's damn cooooool!", as quoted, this afternooon and he's having his first practical on Thursday. Idk man I hope this whole thing would work with how my parents are very against the idea of me riding on bikes. It's gonna be damn hard to keep it from them cos the ratio of us spending time outside and at home is 1:4.

And I DON'T KNOW HOW I'M GONNA COPE WITH MY FEAR ON RIDING BIKES. I just rode Peishi's from school to Tampines today and she was going at 100km/h or somewhere there and I felt like I was gonna die. Better still she told me to get her cashcard from her butt pocket and I was like fucking nervous like really really nervous I was gonna drop her wallet or something and like she'll look back and go 'wtf happened' and when she doesn't look front we'll bang into some car and both fly and buang only LIKE IT COULD HAPPEN RIGHT. I didn't squeal like the first time, I just acted cool. But I think I totally gave myself away when her shoulders were wet from my sweaty palms.

I got to get over myself I'm a loser.

I wished eBay never existed

2009-08-09T14:05:00.006+08:00

Then I wouldn't be wasting so much time checking back whether I've been outbidded and checking back on the price updates of my watched items and checking back on whether my questions have been answered. It. Is. Suffocating.

Check back check back check back, like it's not annoying man WHY CAN'T THEY ALL HAVE BUY IT NOW METHODS FOR THEIR ITEMS. Boo hoo I'm suppose to be studying, even at Expo yesterday I couldn't stop pestering Sheldon to let me use his Mac. I hate it why do I always have addictions all at the wrong time? At least this is a better addiction than loser addictions I used to have with games like Restaurant City and Plants vs. Zombies. You should totally hear the Plants vs. Zombies btw it's freaking cute.

Sheldon wanted to check out Price's new place so we walked over to her house from Expo. Had dinner that consisted of wrinkled hot dogs and rice and finished Uncle Mick's half bottle of wine.

We're gonna see her tonight again at her place, with Simran and family as well. Cannotch wait... to waste time not studying. Sigh.

Ever wondered.

2009-08-07T19:40:00.005+08:00

Sometimes I wonder why do we even live. We study for half our lives because they said we have to know stuff when we get to work. After education we work, we work to pay off bills because they said life was suppose to work this way. When we earn money we save, save to buy a house. After buying the house we save even more, save to mantain the house. Then as all these happens we continue to work even though we don't want to, only because they said we had to. And before you retire you save, you save for retirement. And when you grow old, you get to the hospital.. All your savings are gone. That was what you're working for all your life. Just to save yourself from death when you'll die eventually anyway.

- quoted, from my mother.

Gimme sleep, (and flawless complexion thx)

2009-08-06T21:01:00.008+08:00

That was last Sunday evening at Jo's place, I'm too lazy with words but it's just like the usual bbq that we always used to have since the secondary school days.. Except we're way more hygienic now using thongs and gloves to marinate instead of the charcoaled-filled bare hands(HAHHA) and it's no longer the vacant unpaid bbq pits we randomly use along East Coast. Noo booze that day cos everyone took for granted another person would bring SO EVERYONE THOUGHT THAT WAY AND NO ONE BROUGHT. We should all blame Shearen. But I guess it didn't matter cos Imee was so high anyway she stucked a fork in her hair. What the fuck man.

And. Okay why I've been tired and busy?
Jo, again, is one big reason why.

CAN YOU SEE HOW CHUI I LOOOK?? I know you can totally see my eyebags through my already very thick layer of concealer. I'm like forcing a smile out of a deadless soul. Jo, I really hate how I care for you too much.

Imee and I stayed over at your place on Monday night, the night before you're gonna take off for US again. We did that just to make sure we'll be awake to send you off at the airport and just to sacrifice my already very little sleep time when you couldn't fit everything in your baggages and I had stay up to teach you how to pack by rolling up all the clothes for you SO YOU COULD FIT EVERYTHING IN AND ONLY HAVE A BASKETBALL IN YOUR HANDCARRRRRRY and just to miss my FMGT revision lecture since your flight's at 9 and my fucking school is at fucking disgusting Clementi and from Changi to Clementi takes 81 mins(according to gothere.sg).. I reached school at 11.

Actually I could have gotten there earlier but I decided to eat my lonely Mcd breakfast slowly, because I needed to stone to be sane. I was so tired. I couldn't absorb well enough that the next time I see my hairy friend Jo would be a year later. I had a later reaction at school later on. Like emo only cos I just finished all the indomee she gave me today UGH no more. :(

And just as I thought I could of have had enough sleep on Tuesday night, I didn't when we had lotsa last minute preparation for the NDP food carnival Glory Mel Tania and I had to do on Wednesday and Thursday. Before this all of us were so desperate to sell the carnival coupons because,

1. The number of coupons sold x 30% = The cost we could claim back from the school
2. WE HAD TO SELL 500$ WORTH OF TICKETS WITHIN 2 FUCKING DAYS TO COVER OUR INITIAL 150$ ESTIMATED COST.

So obviously we didn't hit 500$ but we made 200% profit in two days!!!!!!

(THANKS FOR THAT FACE GLORRRRRRY WHY YOU ALWAYS CALL ME BIMBO?!)

Pictures from today, yesterday's pictures with Tamiya!

I can officially bid goodbye to my I&E tutor that never seems to be able to pronounce my name right. He calls me Ahhhhhbeegill. Like literally. Painful to hear.

My coolie worker Sheldon Yen came to help us out today, because Tania couldn't make it and I didn't think the three of us could of have managed.. BOYFRIENDS ARE THE BEST RIGHT. I love you like alot okay :)

Thank God he came because sales today was double of yesterday's. Surprising eh? I think we're gonna getting the 100$ Capitaland vouchers for the Best Stall's Sales Award since our stall was the only one that had a queue. Sounds lame we didn't even know there was such an award but 25$ per person is good enough okay.

I still don't think I could have enough sleep tonight with FIT presentation tmr and how I'd never got down to organising my notes to starrrrt studying.... I'll always be a night owl that doesn't wanna be one. I shouldn't even be blogging now with so much stuff on hand to do but I don't want my pictures to be clogged up.

Look at how clogged up with pictures this entry is already.

Sometimes

2009-08-05T02:46:00.000+08:00

Things got to go a little slower.

I'm tired, so tired I wished I never lived.

Say hi to clearer pictures.

2009-08-02T17:16:00.004+08:00

CHECK OUT THE FAT FACE ON PICTURE TWO.

It's been so long since we had a whole day together, a whole Saturday together. TOGETHER, FOR THE WHOLE DAY. The number of weekends burned from his 5 and a half months internship at TCC is damn cb if I had to count them I'd rather eat tofu. I feel like puking when I eat tofu.

Thank god it's over for good.

SO.. we changed my dry box at Liang Court, then walked over to Boat Quay cos I needed to get leather strings, and then trained to Vivo for very unproductive shopping and Daiso, and then Liang Seah for ma la huo po with his friends and dessert before dinner cos we just wanted to sit down, and then dessert again at Katong after Liang Seah. Wtf the aloevera with strawberry honey and lime at Liang Seah sucked like shit. Do. Not. Try. It. No matter how nice the name sounds.

Shoik day ok, like I haven't had eventful Saturdays in a long time.
We still went out when he was sick.... Talk about guilt.

Anyway, yes you probably know by now how excited I've been to collect the 500D.
Check out the first picture it snapped below..

My father topless.
SEXY ONLY.

AND, SHI KAI. I told my dad you said he looks like a sushi chef, and he couldn't stop laughing. -.-

Okay Wf and Weiru's over at my place now and we're waiting for Jian to reach Siglap so that we could hop onto his bus and go to Jo's place together!!! I hope the rest would reach early... Sheldon's riding bike there.

Uh, bike as in those with no engines.
HHAHAHHAHHA.

Okay. Not funny.

Frdyfxtn!!!!!!

2009-08-01T02:03:00.003+08:00

LAST UPDATED: SATURDAY, 1 AUGUST, 1:44AM

SHAMELESSLY ADVERTISING EVERY SINGLE ITEM THAT'S STILL UP ON FRDYFXTN.
PLS GO GRAB THEM ALL NOW, THX :)

CLICK ON THE IMAGES TO GET TO THE ITEM'S PAGE

xoxo

P/S: I got my baby 500D already kekee but freaking dry box they gave was defected?!? Sheldon going down with me to Liang Court tomorrow to get it changed. Pfft, tmr will not be a pms day fuck pms get lost bye.

Wardrobe Malfunction

2009-07-30T22:34:00.003+08:00

Suddenly everything looks ugly in the wardrobe. I tried to start shopping online again and everything that I saw on the ljcommunities looks ugly too. And then I tried putting an outfit together for tomorrow and everything still looked ugly. I just realised it's almost impossible to get rid of the clothes I wanna sell because they're totally off trend already..... Lazy lah then like that. I'm so lazy for everything I was suppose to be studying today!!!!!!!1 Fuck.

Only thing that's dope...

Can't wait to wear it as a toga top.

I thought the coloured one was nice the other time when I saw it a month back on the site, today I thought the grayscale one was nicer when I saw it again.

Both colours are nice leh, how?

You actually want my half-fucked phone?!!

2009-07-29T21:31:00.002+08:00

Today I wasted my life at school.
Today I took two MRT rides, and why ah the stupid min. $3 thing so irritating!!!
Today the period came when I'm wearing white both outside and inside.
Today I lost my phone, LIKE WHAT THE FUCK.

Wtf like who the fuck would actually want my phone. Like it's a freaking old Sony Ericsson that has its screen going haywire and the # and 9 button don't work when you need them the most and like it was the phone passed down from my dad when he couldn't wait for it to be repaired when his sweat seeped in and the whole moisture screwed up the phone and so he gave it to me when it was repaired and got a new phone for himself instead(gross, I know).. AND IT'S STILL FUCKING LOST/STOLEN, whatever it is the person taking it thinks it's still worth it for trade in. NAIVE.

Okay I totally rmbed putting it in the bag cos I smsed Cheryl good night before dozing off and when I realised I missed Price's stop and ended up at Expo I LOOKED BACK ON MY SEAT.. And there was nothing there. So like cow sense tells you everything's in the bag right. But no, I'm not fucking gonnna use this stupid straw bag anymore FUCK I'll use bags with zips and locks and like static that works on people that shouldn't be touching my bag. Especially that stupid chinese auntie with like horribly permed hair that kept leaning towards me and kept fiddling with the aircon adjusting it AWAY from me when hello I WAS OBVIOUSLY AT THE SEAT FIRST?!! FUCK YOU OKAY, FUCK YOU.

I hate to say this I know it sounds like a blame game but that auntie kept leaning towards me and like she's 50 plus and she had headphones plugged??! It was hip chinese music...... I bet she took the music player like how she took my half-fucked phone. LIKE WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GIVE ME BACK MY BLOODY SIM CARD WITH LIKE AT LEAST 300+ WORTH OF CONTACTS?!?!??!

Oh my god I'm so filled with hate. FML.
I hate hate hate hate hate hate.............. the person that took my phone.

I need the contacts again, getting the new SIM tmr and I already have a temporary phone on hand.. I can't rmb anyone's number AT ALL apart from my parents and Sheldon's so leave it here, or via FB/MSN or whatever lah ok. I'm still too pissed to think straight and form proper sentences to blog..

Bloated.

2009-07-28T21:50:00.004+08:00

Just got back from Siglap. I think my stomach's like bloated with junk I swear today is totally food unproductive.

I didn't even have a proper meal today.. Chicken pie before BTT, my favourite sparkling Ribena between eTrail and BTT, 1$ chocolate croissant while watching Don and Jian study at Macs Parkway, seaweed shaker fries when I was still watching Don and Jian study while waiting for Jo to come over, and then I felt horrible by the time we had dinner at Sing Ho Katong so I watched them eat and witnessed TWO FUCKING ROACHES under the table cloth cheeeeeeebye ttm it was so gross and all that stupid cheena waitress could say was 'rang wo lai', then what, I KILL THE ROACH FOR YOU MEH? That made me feel double horrible.

So anyway I totally disgressed, ice cream chefs at Siglap after that. And I think I spent close to 20 bucks over nothing productive today. It's been awhile since I've spent so much... Feel bad uh, Sheldon still eating maggi between lunch breaks and I'm enjoying myself already. Lucky the camera's bought we can stop saving money I'M SO TIRED OF THINKING EVERYTIME BEFORE I SPEND. Can't wait to collect the 500D on Thursday/Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!111

Oh and talking about fooood....

Sheldon and, uh, I prepared dinner for my mum and Jo last Thursday(I think?). Tbh, Jo wasn't invited but we realised that we cooked too much so when she called after touching down from Indo we were like okay let's invite the food monster over and everyone knows she's the food monster. But I refer her to my other friends as The Hairy Friend. She's so hairy you can actually comb her arm hair and mess it up again. No joke.

We went to Sheng Siong Bedok to get the ingredients earlier that day.. Note this, we were still on our SQ(shen qian) plan and going to Siglap for Cold Storage would mean double the price at checkout. BUT FUCK, WHY IS SHENG SIONG SO FUCKING DIRTY?!? When Sheldon picked out the frozen chicken legs chicken blood like dripped all over his hand like WTF it was fucking gross I couldn't take it. And like all the aunties blangahs maids they squeeze you here and there like no one's business. No wonder my mum never goes there. Then best part was my mum called after we were done shopping and she said she'll pay for the ingredients. Wah sian.

The cheese on the chicken in the pic looks wrinkled and gross but it was so good with the mixed herbs seasoning that my mum told Sheldon to come over to our place more to cook cos he cooks way better than the maid and she'll pay for what's bought and she even told my dad on an overseas call about dinner being fantabulous and my dad like jealous HHAHA. Shoik hor. I just thought the broccoli soup was salty and that was my bad when he trusted me to put the salt in.

Okay I have no flair in culinary, I'm a business student for a reason.

I feel pathetic.

2009-07-28T02:20:00.004+08:00

I had 571 posts on my old blogspot, before I shifted over to Livejournal.
I had 365 posts on vodkalisque.livejournal.

Now, I have 2 fucking posts on the new blogspot. (though the new and old blogspots are of the same url. I shifted the 500 plus worth of archives over to another site; it's too precious to be deleted.)
Yeah, so don't rub it in everyone knows I hate changes but then again if I'd continue to stall time on livejournal I'll hate myself more when I finally shift over and have even more posts on the other side!!!!!1

Okay I know it's bloody pointless to whine, there isn't a point to my frustration.

It's just, so out of the blue.. that I've decided to start working on the skin, layout and all for the site. After two suffocating months of deciding to shift. I've been packed with projects, assignments, finding time to spend with Sheldon through his tight schedule of internship and training and competition, packing the room, squeezing what's left of my free time to catch up with the long time friends I don't really see often, and idk.. there's much more but I could vaguely remember. All I remembered was I was really tired mentally, like even when I was out having fun I wished I was home on the bed in my 19 degree celsius bedroom.

Now, don't complain anymore for those close ones that couldn't read the lj when I started locking up... It just feels weird to blog here now like I'm looking at a totally different screen posting it's just NOT THE SAME?!

I still can't get over Vodkalisque.

2009-05-26T13:30:00.000+08:00

Seems like this username's been stucked with me ever since I was secondary 3. I know it's fucking cheesy but I'd never found a better replacement for my online identity. I'm pretty much comfortable with it just as I was years ago.

Ironically, I was at vodkalisque.blogspot before I switched to vodkalisque.livejournal. Because I hated blogspot then, don't ask why because I forgot why either. Now, after two years, I'm back again. And hopefully staying for good. Okay I admit I switched because Sheldon couldn't quit calling me an Lj girl. Talk about self-consciousness.

I just need to get over my touchy issue about not being able to have locked/private posts anymore..

Haven't told anyone about this space just yet, I would once it's properly done up.